Thursday, January 26, 2012

Recap: Project Runway All-Stars, Episode 03

Why is this recap so late?!? It is because I'm a terrible person? Yes. Also it is very hot and my brain has melted and it's hard to do stuff. But now it's time to MAKE IT WORK!

This week was a pretty cool challenge: make a "flamboyant cocktail dress" for Miss Piggy. I was really excited about this challenge, until I saw that they were working with human models. What the fuck?!? Why not make Miss Piggy-sized dresses? That would have been awesome! Stupid Project Runway.
Anyway, Anthony is very excited, because he is a Muppet. Michael overdoes the gushing a bit and calls her "fashion's dream client," which is just weird. Mila has mixed feelings about Miss Piggy and decides to make a severe black dress, just for a change. Giordana is making a floaty, feminine pink dress. "Pink is a happy colour," she deadpans to the camera in her most Eastern European style. She chooses the saddest pink imaginable.

Speaking of pink, Mondo and Kara both want the elbow-length pink gloves from the accessory wall. Kara is the WORST. Leave Mondo alone, Kara! "Do you think I can sex up Miss Piggy?" Kara muses. Do you even know who Miss Piggy IS, Kara? I hate you.

Of course, Austin is very excited about the challenge. He reveals that Miss Piggy is a huge inspiration to him, which suddenly puts his persona in a whole new light. It all makes so much sense now.

Mondo is designing a 60s-style frock, which he claims is inspired by Miss Piggy's childhood (since she would have grown up in the 60s?). This is a bit of a stretch. Has everything he's ever made been inspired by Miss Piggy's childhood?

Giordana's dress looks like a nightie. She says that it's important to be comfortable. YOU ARE DRESSING A PUPPET.

The accessories battle shifts grounds. Now Austin has claimed the accessories that Kara was planning to use. She demands them back, despite the fact that a) she and Mondo both wanted them and b) I don't see her name on them. I am hoping that Mondo and Austin will team up and smack her silly, but she just ends up taking everything. Ugh!

Kenley has made a 50's style princess seam dress with a big skirt. Surprise! Kenley's model says, "That is just so..." "Adorable?" Kenley suggests. Kenley tells the camera that she thinks she will probably win.

Miss Piggy is there for the judging, which is fun. I think one of the things making this season a bit crap is the new judges. They are not mean enough! I never thought I'd miss Nina and Michael, but they brought some welcome acidity to the judging. Not to mention Sociopath Heidi. Come back!

Austin's dress is TERRIBLE. Austin, what were you thinking? This was an amazing chance to do a crazy huge skirt. Didn't you hear the word flamboyant?!? But no, he has made a hot pink and grey tight number with huge bows on the hips and little pink boob cups.

Michael's dress is pretty boring and not very flamboyant. It's nice I guess? Nothing about it screams Miss Piggy, though. It has big loops on the bodice, but it's a very understated fabric.

Kenley has made her usual dress and then piled a ton of tulle on top of her model. The judges are inexplicably thrilled, although they do notice that the bodice of the dress is kind of crappy-looking. No problems with the massive tulle headdress, though! That looks great!

Rami has made a nutty polka-dot number that looks ridiculous on the model, but I can see it looking fun on Miss Piggy. This is why they should have been allowed to dress the puppet! Grr!

Mila has made a gorgeous, understated, Mod dress in black and white. This is completely inappropriate for the challenge. Mila, you are an idiot! If you'd made the same dress in, say, pink and yellow, you would have won. Bah.

 Kara's dress is AWFUL, not surprisingly. It's a wiggle dress with a cutout between/under the boobs and hot pink piping. She has given her model sunglasses (for a cocktail party?) and an awful hairdo. GO AWAY, KARA, I HATE YOU.

Mondo has completely LOST HIS MIND and made a dress that looks more like a Mad Men costume than a "60's inspired" piece. His model has a housewifey bubble hairdo and his fabric is shiny. Get your shit together, Mondo!

Michael wins, although they never show us Miss Piggy in a modified version of the dress. I feel cheated! Kenley and Rami are the other two in the top three, so you can imagine how bad the rest were. The bottom three are Austin, Mila and Giordana, and Giordana goes home.

Terrible work everybody! Keep it up!