Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Trailer for New Sith Book Packaged in Evil Pyramid!

Did you know that there's a new book that purports to contain hidden secrets and artefacts from ancient Sith history? Have you ever wondered what makes these nefarious, pale, lightning-spewing bastards tick? No, to be fair I haven't really either, but I will say that this book is pretty awesome because it comes packaged in an evil pyramid with lights and sounds! Don't believe me? Then why not check it out for yourself at 0:36:

HOW CRAZY IS THAT!? It is an evil monolith that spits out your book and cackles at you and probably shoots agonising lightning at you at converts you to the dark side and then causes you to kill a lot of children. Actually it sort of looks like a perfume bottle.

And it looks like it covers power, madness, perpetual life and... The Rule of Two...

Join me after the jump and I'll tell you why the Rule of Two is BULLSHIT.

Okay, just us nerds here now. Look, people seem to have gotten it into their heads for some insane reason that there are only ever two Sith ever. That's all there can be. That's it. Ever. And that, my friends, is total bunk.

In The Phantom Menace, Yoda says: "Always two there are. No more no less. A master and an apprentice." But like a lot of filthy truth-bending Star Wars characters before him, I don't think he's being literal. And I certainly don't know how this passing comment was twisted into becoming a "rule". 

For me, Yoda's meaning is simple. He's saying, "Dude, just because Darth Maul was killed, it doesn't mean this is over. If we've seen one of them, then another's coming. Every master has an apprentice and vice versa. Prepare for some serious bullshit."

But I don't think it's a "rule" and I don't think he's saying that there can only be two ever. We know there used to be vast Sith empires. Yoda's basically just saying that they work in pairs. That's all it is. Why does he say, "No more. No less"? Because he's spelling it out for the audience. He's letting you know about the "Phantom Menace". He's differentiating, because he's not saying, "OH CRAP THERE'S AN ARMY OF THESE GUYS OUT THERE, WE'RE SCREWED!" he's saying, "We haven't uncovered the single mastermind behind this." He's clearly letting us know that they are dealing with a single shadowy threat (because that's what the movie is about!) And the irony? The "Phantom Menace" is in the damn scene with them!

But I don't think that means that another pair couldn't be working elsewhere. Or there couldn't be another vast Sith Empire in the future. Unless - and this is the only way I'll give you it - unless Lucas is merely covering his ass for the fact that in the original trilogy there are still only two Sith. And not a vast empire. Fuck.

Rules are for cops.


  1. Doesn't everyone know by now that Yoda doesn't have much of a way with words? He can barely speak english, so why do we listen to him?

    The way he twists his sentences, he probably meant to say, "There are two. Less? No, no... always more."

  2. There is a ton of expanded univers that is basically TL;DR for most people. The whole rule of two thing in a nutshell:
    1) Dude living about 1000 years before the films take place.
    2) Dude sees the sith he joined are a bunch of posers.
    3) Dude looks into history and finds out why.
    4) Dude pulls off massive stunt to kill the posers, lives in secrecy plotting and getting all powerful and shit.
    5) The rest is history, then 1000 years later vader becomes anakin again and throws sidious into reactor.
    6) Rule of two is over.
    7) ???
    8) PROFIT