We’d be remiss to not occasionally check in on
The Avengers, an insanely entertaining film that I had mixed feelings about initially but have grown to adore over time. (Here in Australia we’ve had the Bluray for over a month). The merchandise might be slowing down but there’s still a few things up for grabs if you have a keen eye.
After previously acquiring Black Widow, I have happened upon the equally-hard-to-find Hasbro 3 3/4 inch figures of arrow-slinger
Hawkeye and depth-perceptionless superhero-wrangler
Nick Fury. How do they shape up?
Join me after the jump where I will reveal all!
Firstly, it should probably be stated that rather than an ultra-detailed collector targeted line, these are primarily designed for a small child to stick up his nose. The impulse is to say that they’re a little goofy but, on closer inspection, perhaps they’re not quite as goofy as you might initially think. They’re far from masterpieces but at this scale they do the job. And let’s be honest, I think those golden years of collector friendly mass market product have ended. Toy stores are for kids again. The man-children roam online.
Oh, did I neglect to mention that I also got another Black Widow?
The intention was to keep this one in its package but, as you can see, the packaging is mediocre at best. Hasbro missed a huge opportunity to use character specific art or a photo of Scarjo. I feel like there was a lot of cost-cutting on these figures in general - pump them out, cash in on the film quickly, and risk as little as humanly possible. Why include a photo of the action figure on a card that houses the actual action figure. That’s like having a Coke can which features a picture of a Coke can on it. Actually there’s at least a Coke can with a picture of a bottle of Coke on it. The snake is eating its own tail, my friends.
Anywaaaaaay... Nick Fury muthafugga...
With mass market 3 3/4 figures I think it’s a solid likeness if we can even tell who it is. There’s no doubt that this is Sam Jackson so I’m going to give him a pass. He’s even bulky like the ageing Sam. And thanks to his bulk, his articulation is a little hindered. Just like the ageing Sam.
The elephant in the room is the ridiculous projectile firing space bazooka accessory which is a sober reminder than this toy exists purely to blind irritating siblings. The transparent purple-headed missile has gotta be a homage to the Mace Windu purple lightsaber, if not also a homage to Sam’s own purple-headed missile, you know, for firing at the laaaadies. I have no idea how he's supposed to hold this crazy thing...
In fact Hasbro, let’s talk about this obsession with including clunky, bright-coloured projectiles. I know that something in your troubled past has convinced you that kids desire these things, but they always look crap and what’s more they barely ever work. I’ve never seen a kid go nuts for one of these things and yet you Hasbro guys are so convinced of this fact that you’ve added them to millions of action figures for the past hundred years. NO! STOP IT! THAT’S ENOUGH NOW!
Thankfully they do also include a more sedate/realistic accessory option for the not-so-mentally-challenged. He has a pistol (which fits in a holster on his powerful thigh) and a machine gun for spraying people with bullets - you know, like all heroes do.
Let’s talk about Hawkeye...
This isn’t a bad Renner sculpt at all, in fact the thing that is really letting him down here is the flat paint they’ve used for his skin colour which seems to strip him of any real detail. Other than that he’s pretty good and reasonably articulated, which means my only axe to grind is the ridiculous accessory.
Nobody wants these crazy gigantic red missiles!
Did you see The Avengers film, Hasbro? Hawkeye fired arrows. Bearing in mind that’s all his ridiculous character can do perhaps it would have been a nice gesture to include an arrow with him? Instead his non-kiddified accessory is a bow that doesn’t have a string and doesn’t have anything to load it with. A Hawkeye without a bow and arrow is a SHAM OF A MAN!
“Hawkeye... you’ve been shooting at them for ages but the Chitauri numbers just aren’t going down! Maybe it’s time to - .... Wait... wait... is your bow missing a string? Are you... have you been PRETENDING to fire arrows this entire time? Are you... are you making the sound with your mouth!?”
A SHAM. OF A MAN.
But... other than that they’re pretty cool. These are impossible to find right now, so good luck!
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