Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Project Runway Recaps: S09 E13 FINALE!!!

Oh my lord, the finale of Project Runway Season 9 was last week and I'm only just getting around to this. I am a terrible person! But not as terrible as everyone involved in Project Runway (except St Tim Gunn). Let's recap this shit!

Last week the designers showed three pieces to the judges, and the three top designers got through... and also Anya. Hey, you all know I am on Team Anya, but two of those pieces were painfully bad. Still, I think the judges must have learned from last season's fiasco (I still love you, Mondo!) because they seem determined to shoehorn the phenomenally popular Anya into the finale.

So much so that another unprecedented move is pulled out: the designers get to go to Mood with $500! Seriously?!? These bitches had 5 weeks and nine grand, what is this shit?!? But they are clearly desperate for Anya to pull some magic out of her shapely ass, so off to Mood they go. Anya goes nuts buying random fabrics. This means she is back to her last-minute, by-the-seat-of-her-pants style and I begin to wonder if she might not show a decent collection after all.

Josh takes this opportunity to grab some fluorescent green fabric, because he's Josh. He makes one of the most bizarre and ugly pieces I have ever seen from him: shorts which look like they were made for a goth cyclist.


I was worried that Tim had helped him edit all the Crazy out, so it's a relief to see him getting a chance to de-edit. Josh has old pieces to finish but starts making lots of new pieces, and then he cries. Anya comforts him. Anya, stop wasting time and make some damn clothes!

Then Viktor says "Oh my Lord of the Rings." I have to rewind it to make sure he actually said that. Viktor, you tiny nutball, maybe I am going to miss you. "You've got to grab hold of the handle now, you've got to start... the motorcycle! You cannot let go because it will fall down." Viktor is on fire tonight!

Anya, on the other hand, is done. She tells Tim she has come to terms with the fact that she doesn't have a strong collection and she will not win. She seems calm and happy. (She has also won Fan Favourite, so she does have that money too.)

Tim looks at Josh's collection and is visibly shaken. He tells Josh that his collection as a whole has "a very different vibe" from the three pieces he showed the judges. When Josh asks what that vibe was, Tim answers, "...Sophisticated." OUCH!

But there's no time for looking back! It's time to get to Bryant Park for the FINALE!!!

Backstage is predictable chaos. Kimberley loses her kit and loses her shit. Anya lends her stuff even though she is busy too. Oh Anya! You deserved to win the Fan Favourite award, even though your collection is a bit shit and there's no way you can win.

Kim's collection is first. It's urban, sophisticated, but fun. I actually like a lot of the pieces, although it's not super-exciting.

That's okay, because Josh is next. What have you got for us, Josh?

Oh my Lord of the Rings. Those bondage cycle shorts look even more insane on the model than on the rack! A couple of things look wearable, but overall the collection is completely nutty (and not in a good way). Plastic and neoprene? Even if someone got to the changeroom with those pieces, they'd be squirming out of them as soon as they put them on and instantly started to sweat. 

Viktor's collection is flashy, with lots of his own photographic print and transparent black fabric. The first look is amazing, though. I want a top with those boxy sleeves!

Anya's collection is... fine. I was really worried that it would be an embarassing flop, but she managed to pull together a bunch of floaty dresses in her signature style. There is one pair of pants, no jacket, and nothing that would be appropriate anywhere but on holiday on a tropical island. Still, it's all very pretty and although she can't win, she made a good show of it.

Time for judging!

The judges seem underwhelmed with Kimberley's stuff. It's pretty clear she isn't going to win.

Now they are facing Josh and I can't wait for them to tear him apart! What are they going to say about those shorts?!?

Heidi... likes them?

And she likes the awful vintage print he used throughout his show?

Even Nina says that while she didn't like the shorts on the runway, she likes them photographed! She says Josh is 'most improved', which is a great backhanded compliment, but I am starting to get uncomfortable. My husband tells me that if Josh wins, this show is not allowed in our house. But Josh couldn't possibly win! Could he?!?

Surprisingly, they are quite critical of Viktor's collection. I was almost sure he was going to win, but although they love the prints they aren't keen on the sheer black looks. Wait a minute... if they aren't keen on Kimberley or Viktor, and Anya obviously isn't going to win...

Onto Anya. They liked the show, but they point out that the one neckline is repeated in almost every piece (and is unwearable for any woman who wears a bra), there is much less construction in her looks, very little range, etc. All valid.

Now the judges discuss the options. They agree that Kimberley needs more time to develop. Viktor had some misses. Anya performs well under pressure and has good taste, but her collection was too one-note. Josh has lots of ideas-- maybe too many ideas. But he had the best styling (what?) and is gutsy and doesn't play it safe. Oh my Lord of the Rings, I am starting to realise that they are going to give it to Josh. My face looks like this:

The designers come back to the runway. Kimberley is the first out, and takes it extremely well. Very gracious! Then Viktor is out, and he is good about it too. YOU GUYS IT IS DOWN TO ANYA AND JOSH WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK




"It's a little bit of a shock value," Josh comments, speaking for all of us (at least, all of us who use phrases without understanding what they mean). "I wouldn't deny that her collection was very beautiful. [Pause] Not sewn extremely well, but..."

Josh, you are a bitch, but you're kind of right.

Anya is floored, as well she might be. Who knew you could slap together some floaty dresses in a day and win Project Runway? I am relieved that Josh didn't win but I'm kind of horrified that Anya won. I know it's silly to be shocked that a reality TV program would stoop to fixing the win for a crown favourite, but PR has always seemed a bit different...

Ah well. I'm buying the hell out of the Anya bags and Anya jewellery that'll be coming out in a few months. (I think I'll leave the Anya dress, though. If I wore a plunging neckline I'd be arrested.)



  1. "It's a little bit of a shock value" made me laugh! There's no way a person thinks that's a thing.

  2. oh my god the two before and after Jessface shots made me cry with laughter.

  3. I am the master of the self-portrait!

  4. And I BEG you to start recapping Work of Art.