Thursday, June 20, 2013

Introducing: The Big Brother 15 Power Rankings!

I'm not too much of a reality TV guy on a whole, but I have one exception: Big Brother. The 15th installment begins next Wednesday, so I figured it would be a fun game, given that there's 16 contestants and a ton of twists, it would be fun to do a weekly recap and a power ranking.

The show is kind of insane, if you haven't heard of it. This season, they have 16 people who don't know each other who will enter a "house" and compete for a grand prize at the end of the summer. Each week, the guests elect a Head of Household (who cannot be evicted), the Head of Household (or HOH) nominates two people for eviction (which might be three people this season, stay tuned!), and a competition occurs to have an opportunity to veto one of those nominations every week. Quickly, houseguests form alliances with each other to gain voting strength and do their best to control the house. It's absolutely nutty.

The show is appointment television for my wife and I. Playing on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays throughout the summer, plus with 24 hour live feeds (which I don't follow because I know I'd accomplish nothing but watch them all day long), there;s a lot happening. So, every Thursday (except for two weeks in August, when I will likely be posting on Saturday), I'll be posting a Big Brother Power Ranking! We'll see who's doing well in the House, who's floating along, who's looking to go home, and who should have already gone home. I hope that you'll get as addicted to this show as I do, and maybe we'll get some good debate going.

CBS has already introduced America to the contestants, so we'll meet our Houseguests beyond the jump. First recap is next week!

So there, traditionally, seems to be a series of archetypes that Big Brother goes after. Never fail, the majority of Houseguests fall into one of these groups:

The Bros:

Always, always, ALWAYS the type of harmless bros who probably had popped collars a few years ago and who probably belong on a reality show on some other network. This season, we have:

David: He's a lifeguard from San Diego. He surfs, he skates, and uses the word "cat" to refer to humans in a legitimate and serious way. Big Brother LOVES bros, and one very similar to him won a few years ago.

Jeremy: He is an associate at a boat shop in Texas, and only 23 years old. I mean, do we have to say much else?

Nick: Nick, at first glance, looks like Ryan from The Office. While I don't expect him to go on a cocaine binge and inadvertently take over CBS, I do expect him to be the type who doesn't really fit in with any specific group and ends up teaming up with a bunch of them. If I had an early favorite based on looks alone...

The Women Who Are Probably Models, But We Never Find Out For Sure Until The Internet Sleuths Get On The Case Or They're Forced To Admit It In The House:

I get that it's mainstream broadcast television, but you'd think the casting folks would try to be a little more diverse in the looks of the women. Instead, it's almost always a series of young bombshell babe types who barely exist in the real world and have "jobs" in which they do "things" that, for most of us, are secondary in nature or worse. Winner of the All-Stars season, Rachel, was a prime example of this - a woman who allegedly held a high science degree, but was a "hostess" and "bartender" in Las Vegas. Yes, I'm judgy. Anyway:

Aaryn: Aaryn is our oddly-spelled-name blonde girl from Texas who is a college student, and I assume will be the Southern Belle/Texan gal type for this season (a sub-archetype, for sure). Big Brother looooooves blonde Texans, let me tell you...

GinaMarie: GinaMarie is a "pageant coordinator" from New York, and is the second-oldest contestant playing this season. It's been the case as of late that those who do coordinating in whatever form (whether it be coaching or organizing or what have you) tend to "get" the team/alliance aspects of this game very well. It will be interesting to see if GinaMarie meets that same standard.

Jessie: Jessie claims she is "unemployed." Sure. Sure you are. This type comes up every year, she'll probably hang out at the pool or wear lots of yoga pants.

Kaitlin: Another brunette who's too pretty for her own good, and claims she is a bartender. She's from Minnesota, which is not quite stereotypical midwesterner, but she might turn that up a bit for her benefit.

Token Minorities:

Because the networks feel diversity is important, but not enough to have more than one of each gender represented. To be fair, Season 15 does have two female minorities in its cast this year, but we'll get to why I'm only listing two here in a moment.

Howard: Howard is a youth counselor from the south. Since so many of the contestents invariably act like adult children over the course of the game, Howard might actually have a decent shot at going far in the game.

Candace: Candace, a speech therapist from Texas by way of New Orleans, is rocking a jean vest in this picture. The limited bio makes her seem like someone to root for, though, and hopefully she's able to keep her head on straight around the ladies above.

Mandatory Older Person:

Every season, we invariably get one houseguest who is significantly older than everyone else. Usually, that person is well over a decade older than the next oldest houseguest, but it appears we have a youth movement in the Big Brother House this year. Regardless, we do have one person who basically fits the bill:

Helen: Helen is a political consultant who is also married with children. At 37, she has five years on our pageant mom above, but when you work in politics, it's like you're in a whole other world entirely and it ages you up right quick. Expect her to take a maternal role in the house VERY quickly.

Mandatory Earlier Season Callback:

Every season, at least one Houseguest has some relationship with previous seasons, whether it be people in their second or third runs or with some relationship to the reality universe. While the production team was insisting that this would be an All! New! Season! with All! New! Houseguests!, it appears they couldn't help themselves this season:

Elissa: Elissa is the sister of former two-time houseguest (and Big Brother 13 victor) Rachel, so we now have the callback we were waiting for. Rachel was absolutely insufferable in every way, and if her sister is anything like her, we're in for a looooong season.

Outliers and Outcasts:

Since Big Brother is hip enough to get all the cool kids, and has shown such great diversity already, they can't complete a group of houseguests without having some...different people on the show. No one actually expects them to win, which is why last season's winner, the hilariously awkward 4channer Ian, was such a surprise. Regardless, just looking at the crew they've casted so far, we'll surely have some fun:

McCrae: He's a 23 year old pizza guy from Minnesota. You know he's going to sound like Jason Mewes, and you know the big question will be how he handles the marijuana withdrawals while in the house. You know it.

Andy: This Andy character, a 26 year old professor, looks to be heading up Team Awkward going into this season. I'm sure I'll end up relating to him within 10 minutes and rooting for him incessantly like I did Ian last year.

Spencer: Spencer is a railroad conductor. Those apparently still exist! Regardless, every year you get at least one of these bizarro occupation ones, and they usually do pretty well, assuming they can align with someone early. This guy might surprise people.

The Rest:

The typical Big Brother House has 14 guests, and we'll have 16 this year, thus explaining the surplus people here:

Amanda: Amanda, a real estate agent from Subprime Central, Florida, has absolutely nothing that sets her apart from the rest at first glance. That might work to her benefit, and it might be a detriment if she doesn't fit in with any specific group of people. This might be an interesting one.

Judd: A property appraiser from Tennessee, the only thing that might actually work for him is his name. Southern guys tend to align well early, and he's probably smarter than you'd think.

So there we have it! Big Brother debuts and elects an HOH on Wednesday of next week, and I'll have my first post early Thursday!

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