Nerd History: The Kray Twins

Doing Nerd History early this week because this is too fun not to share. Reggie and Ronnie Kray were professional gangsters in every sense of the word. Torture, murder, armed robbery, organized crime - you name it. They were some of the most famous and most important criminals in the 1950s and 1960s in London. Their story is really interesting, and too much to recap here, to be honest: a good starting point is this official account and this horrible-looking website with a ton of great information. If you're into crime and crime bosses, this is something, especially if you're on the American side of the Atlantic, that you might not know.

Why am I bothering to highlight this? Well, it turns out that the Jay-Z and Kanye West song, er, "Ninjas in Paris," (okay okay, real song here) actually namechecks these twins. The line "wanna find me / that (poop) Kray" is not a goofy Kanye-esque shortening of "crazy" as assumed, but is likely a reference to these Twins who went into hiding. Go figure, right?

Mass Effect Saturday Morning Cartoon Trailer!

The fine folks at IGN have debuted a faux trailer/opening of what a Mass Effect based Saturday morning cartoon might look like. If you ever saw the brilliant Saturday Morning Watchmen then you already have an idea of what to expect.

You could watch it at IGN with their breaking new stories, timely reviews, original content and sexy Jessica Chobot, or you could just watch it here we post random crap and have uncomfortable silences:

Despite all the childish controversy about the (admittedly devastating) ending, I absolutely adore the Mass Effect series and would have a hard time finding a game with comparable emotional investment. I've been meaning to write up my thoughts on Mass Effect 3 since completing it some weeks ago but in the unwarranted nerd shitstorm that's followed it, I'm having trouble pushing past the bullshit and finding the right words. I feel genuinely sorry for Bioware but I guess we often hurt the ones we love the most.

In the meantime I'm hoping that if I write enough about pop culture on the Internet I might be made into a romanceable character in Mass Effect 4. Watch out for me lurking suspiciously around the Normandy's women's restrooms. 

The Avengers Put the C in Rap!

Listening to audio from Hasbro's New York Toy Fair presentation I, like many, experienced bewildered revulsion at Hasbro's shockingly unironic Avengers Rap, which sounds like it was written 23 years ago by a toy executive holding a Christian rap group at gun point. When it debuted at Toy Fair the impossibly happy female spokeswoman assured everyone that they were proud of the rap and they thought it would go "viral". Perhaps. But not for the right reasons.

Check it out for yourself. It's one of the few raps I've heard which praises the awesomeness of rich, powerful, white guys...

I'm not sure what I find more odd here: The fact that the "kids" shown using these plasticky role-play items look far too old to be playing with them, or the fact that in real-life it will probably be mostly far older adults that will be actually buying them. 

8-Bit Google Maps Is The Best Thing Ever!

This is so awesome.

Google added a new view to Google Maps, basically turning the Earth into Hyrule (or Alefgard, since it looks just like Dragon Warrior). Everything is tiled and pixelated, with little castles replacing the cities.

First watch this promo video:

Then go to http://maps.google.com and click on the Quest button in the top right corner. Try street view too.

Also, during your quest look out for hidden items! Things like Area 51, Google's offices, Churchill Downs, Nessie, random monster encounters, and much more.

Of course there are already websites listing the hidden items. Ben Garvey has an ongoing list at his site, and there is also Google Maps 8 Bit Easter Eggs on Tumblr. Let us know in the comments if you find anything really cool.

Ingenious Danish Shill Lego Avengers!

I love Lego, and I love the ingenious, devious, wily Danish bastards who have built their bazillion dollar empire brick by brick. You have to admire any company that can make you genuinely excited to be handed advertising from them, and that's exactly what those crafty Danish maniacs have managed to pull off here. They are going to hand out something crazy like 2 million Lego Avengers posters to movie-goers who are going to be incredibly happy to receive them.

Have you ever had a sweaty desperado try to hand you a pamphlet on the street? How did you react? Did you slap it out of his hand? Well, that's not going to happen here. People are going to keep these advertisements and stick them on their wall and then buy a shit-ton of Avengers Lego products. And I'm going to join them! I desperately want a Scarlett Johansson minifig even those she has a completely flat chest and no nose.

Check out how cool this is:

And Tony Stark is even proudly holding aloft the LEGO logo!!

I'm telling you, I love those cunning Danish masterminds, but don't ever turn your back on one...

It's Time For Some Movie Sequels!

Lots of movie sequel news today. First, there was the amazing appearance by Ron Burgundy himself, announcing the Anchorman sequel on Conan last night.

Then, there was the announcement of a sequel we've been waiting all of our lives for...

Here's the scoop from HollywoodReporter.com:

Is the world ready for a sequel to Twins?

Universal and Montecito Picture Co. are hoping to develop a doozy of a follow-up to the 1988 hit comedy that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito that would reunite the two stars.

But wait, there’s a twist: In the new scenario, Eddie Murphy would act as a third brother.

Hollywood Reporter may have beaten us to the big scoop, but we secured an exclusive first look at the teaser poster.

Thank GIF it's Friday

I tend towards cat gifs, but looking to make a change today. It's an elitist gif since it means nothing to those who haven't seen The Room, but if you haven't seen The Room then you have far more serious problems than not understanding this gif. So there.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Theme - For Orchestra!

I'm a huge fan of Eastman and Laird's original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle comics - created when they were so poor they shared a sweater and written and drawn in their own glorious blood. So it's no secret that I think that the dumbed-down, kiddified cartoon is a bastard, bloodless abomination that trades black and white ninja grit for technicolour pie-faced Californian surfer dudes vomiting pizza in your eager face while you grin and clap like an idiot monkey. I barely missed an episode.

How about saying yes to sticking a sai through an opposing ninja's face.

But let's all agree that the one undeniably awesome thing about the cartoon was the theme-song - which many of us also enjoyed on the grudgingly kickass TMNT arcade game. But is there a way to make this awesome theme even more awesome? Hell. Yes.

Musical genius Walt Ribieru alerted us to his version of the TMNT theme which he has arranged for a giant orchestra. Walt is a man of great taste and vision who makes this song far more epic than it's ever dreamed of being. He packs more instruments into this puppy than an overzealous vet.

Listen to it RIGHT HERE.

And who knows, if you're one of those sissy-babies that has been crying about Michael Bay's Super Explosion Space Turtle Adventure (even though I already schooled you) maybe hearing this kickass theme will calm your nerves and vaporise your tears.

And if you enjoy Walt's work, did you know he puts up new music every Friday? You might also enjoy his orchestrated Pokemon theme HERE.

And if you're doing something even half as cool as Walt, don't be afraid to drop us a line and let us know!

The Readthrough of Time: The Great Hunt

Book two of the Readthrough of Time is complete! The Great Hunt is the second book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, and our readthrough began, appropriately, with the first book in the series, The Eye of the World. I found The Great Hunt to be about as good as Eye, and about as frustrating at times, too. My complaint stands on the books so far - Jordan, when writing about things that are exciting, appears to be one of the best. When I'm interested in what's going on, I can't get enough. Unfortunately, the books often take some time to get there, and that's often difficult, especially when you see how much book you have left. The end of this was better than the end of Eye however, and I'm excited to jump into the third book sooner rather than later.

As before, come beyond the jump for some scattered thoughts and another bonus.

Celebrity Apprentice Recaps: Episode Six: Dance Monkey Dance.

Want to see a group of fake people, at a fake party, on a fake beach, having fake fun, while pretending to care about a fake cocktail - all because a rich, old white man told them to? Dance, monkey, dance! Welcome back to the wonderfully twisted world of the Celebrity Apprentice!

Last week another jaded, defeated, and disgusted celebrity chose to remove herself from the competition before Donald’s pudgy digit could fire her. Who will become irreparably bored with the proceedings this week?

Join me after the jump to find out!