Wednesday, February 1, 2012

More Watchmen! DC's Plan to Stick it to Alan.

DC Comics have been waiting 25 years for beloved curmudgeon Alan Moore to get so hairy and obscured that they can slip out a new Watchmen series without him noticing. Original creator Alan Moore doesn't want it, you the readers aren't so sure about it, DC's current crop of comics are - in my wildly accurate opinion - bordering on craptacular, and yet they've decided that this is the perfect time to dip their dicks into some Watchmen prequels. Which could be good. Provided they have someone smart enough to make them.

Bleeding Cool has a pretty solid cover gallery which appear to be pilfered from other sources, so I've pilfered from them. And there's not a goddamn thing that Alan Moore can do about it.

Join me after the jump to see more covers of books you're going to both buy and bitch about.

So apparently it takes about 15 guys to replace Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. But DC is so great at creating unified, well-considered visions that I'm sure it all make perfect sense. Wildly shifting tones? No. Not on DC's watch. Especially not if they use enough yellow and black.

So clearly J. Michael Straczinki, the genius that gave us an aborted Superman comic where he walked across the country giving soup to homeless people, is handling Dr. Manhattan, with art by Adam "Boobs" Hughes. Hopefully this book will be lots of cheesecake shots of Laurie while Doc Manhattan walks across the country giving soup to homeless people.

Darwyn Cooke and Amanda "The Pro" Conner (I'm not saying she's a prostitute) are doing Silk Spectre:

According to quotes from the Bleeding Cool article, Darwyn basically reread Watchmen and decided that the women were a bit shit so now he's kindly fixing it for Alan. Hopefully the new Laurie will "kick butt" like Batwoman and ride a motorcycle through a hospital.

Len Wein and Jae Lee are making Ozymandias more EXTREEME:

One of my favourite parts about the original Watchmen was how Ozymandias would float everywhere while meditating.

J. Michael is back to give us Nite Owl with Andy and Joe Kubert (married since 2003):

This book will be about a brooding Nite Owl sitting on a chimney and watching Doctor Manhattan walk across the city giving soup to homeless people.

Len Wein and John Higgins are thinking, "Hey you guys remember the pirates?"

"Sure... they were just a metaphor, but I fucking love Johnny Depp, so let's do that again."

And Darwyn Cooke is also giving us Minutemen...

Where hopefully he re-read Watchmen and is fixing everything wrong with the Minutemen.

This is going to be so awesome, you guys! We will give you up-to-date coverage as these books hit!


  1. I'm mostly excited about Rorschach by Rob Liefeld!

  2. I actually love these covers. which ultimately just makes me want a fucking HUGE art book of Watchmen characters interpreted by different artists.

    Holy crap. Now I want that so bad.

  3. OK I know you are being jokey, but do you HAVE to be so NEGATIVE about everything DC? Some of us non-hipsters are sincerely excited about this, you know...

    Damn I JUST found out about this and raced here to try and post it first in a good light because I KNEW someone else would shit all over it. Try a positive attitude for something mainstream JUST's not all that bad!

    Ok,ok I know you're being funny (and you ARE hilarious!!) and I'm just being overly sensitive since you recently shit all over the new 52 which I also love, but you DO seem to have missed the point. Comics are supposed to be FUN! If you aren't having fun, just ignore one cares....leave them to those of us who still have FUN with them and ENJOY them! If liking my hobby makes me a drooling idiot who deigns to enjoy something that isn't necessarily the greatest masterpiece of all time, so be it! Just remember...I also love YOUR comic book, even though it's always derivative and occasionally uninspired, too. It's still FUN!!!

    1. Then back it up! Do a counter post. Tell us why you think DC comics are fun. Tell us why Watchmen 2 is a good idea! There's no right or wrong here, it's all opinion. I'm a Star Wars/prequels/Clone Wars fan, dude, so I know what it's like to defend something that everyone else shits on. I love Sucker Punch. But I back up my opinion and I tell you why I feel that way. I invested over a hundred bucks in the DC reboot and I honestly felt it was all falling apart. But if you feel differently, that's fine. I still enjoy your take and I'm glad we have a mix of opinions.

      But back it all up. What's my comic always derivative of? I'd love to hear that too. I'll take it onboard.

      I defend so much stuff that I think is fun and that everyone else thinks is shit ( I love Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull!) that I don't think you have much of a case.

      I think mainstream comic fans are historically sensitive because they don't want someone calling out that superhero comics are childish or foolish. They cling to films like Dark Knight to try to prove they are dark and adult, but as much as I love that film, it's still about a screaming man in a bat suit. I love so many childish and foolish things but I embrace that and will write with confidence about them. And if someone disagrees with that it won't hamper my enjoyment. If you truly love this stuff then it shouldn't hamper yours.

      And from a tonal perspective, that new Comedian artwork sucks ass. But the Rorshach art is cool.

    2. Why is it that 'comics should be fun' defenders are also usually the most venomously critical of commercial pop music?

      Also, I never thought I'd hear the suggestion that "Watchmen should be FUN!" except for maybe in Watchmen Babies: V for Vacation.

    3. When the little girl was fed to the dogs. That was kinda "fun" right? ... Right?

    4. Comics should be fun. Internet commentary should not.

  4. Haha but comics books are SUPPOSED to be childish and foolish...and then, hopefully, transcend that and still be meaningful. But if they aren't, that's cool too.

    And don't I argue that DC is fun and awesome EVERY week? I'll def review and post EVERY ONE of these watchmen titles (assuming I can find them). I just can't post an opinion on them NOW cause they ain't out yet. If I were, I'd say it sucks the original creator isn't on board but regardless it looks like it could be great! Probably not the work of art that the original Watchmen was, but some very talented creators and some very intriguing characters tells me that there's a lot of potential here.

    As for your comic book being derivative (talking about glorious bounty here), well, it's a few puns away from being a Star Wars parody. It could be set IN the SW universe and you wouldn't have to change a thing. You usually have very unique situations though (maybe not swallowed by ice monster on ice planet...I've seen that one done). I think it comes down to the same argument we had with the 52. I care about the characters more than what they are doing. You care about the events more than the characters...either way is good.

    I guess I'm just sick of people shitting on anything. But YEAH you are TOTALLY right about defending Eps I-III and the crystal skull. Touche, sir!

    Ah, you know I love you Luke, I just gotta bust your balls a bit now and again ;)

    PS: OK the pirates of the crimson corsair are a HUGE stretch...even *I* have to admit that one seems to be profiteering more than storytelling...but hey, who knows? Maybe it'll be the best damn pirate comic ever! :D

  5. and now that I think about it, profiteering is a very pirate-y thing to do...

  6. Okay... let me put it this way and then I'm going to sleep.

    This stuff is very manufactured. Before Watchmen only exists because DC as a company decides it will grab headlines and make money. These writers admit themselves that they were called up by DC and asked to make more Watchmen. Prior to that call they weren't thinking about writing Watchmen. After that call they had to suddenly come up with prequels to arguably the greatest comics story ever told and meet a group deadline.

    I would be more excited if a talented writer had come up with a brilliant Watchmen story and gone to DC and said, "I know this is controversial, but I have such a great new Watchmen idea that I think you should look at it." And DC went, "Holy shit, we can't not do this!" Because then I'd be thinking, "Oh man, what did this guy come up with?" But that's not what happened here.

    I like fun. I like comics. But I have far more respect for things that happen passionately and organically. Watchmen was brilliant because Alan Moore was brilliant and he came up with something incredibly clever and unexpected. But for me, at the moment, from what I've read, creatively speaking DC is to comics what the Spice Girls is to music. It's manufactured bullshit to get people talking and make a quick buck.

    Now, the jury is of course still out, and maybe one, or more, or even all, of these new teams will bring their A game and crank out something great - but it doesn't seem too likely. Alan Moore showed us the origin of all these characters, he showed them at their peak, he showed them in their decline, he gave each an ending. You can squeeze in an untold adventure in the middle, but it still all has to link up with the original. I think we're going to get derivative (to use your word) imitations of Alan's work that don't really go anyhere.

    But I don't know. Spice Girls sure made a lot of money.


  7. You're almost definitely right. The scenario you've imagined would certainly have me MORE excited. However, don't you think the creative teams would get excited about doing this regardless of who's idea it was or the motivation behind it?

    I think back to my school years...some of the best stuff I've ever written and def the best stuff at that age were pieces that had restrictions. The teacher would want 2000 words specifically in style "A" or focusing on subject "X" or whatever. Often these restrictions led me to be far more creative than if they'd just handed me blank paper and said "here go nuts!" That's the sort of scenario I am hoping for, particularly since I think most of the people they want to work on this project are very talented. I guess in the e3nd time will tell!

    And yeah have a good sleep! Isn't it like, practically Friday where you are? :)

    1. I agree about the restrictions. Sometimes they can really fuel creativity.

      While the studio may be thinking $$$$, the writers might be more like, "Holy shit, I can write a Watchmen prequel?!". It's not something they previously wrote and without the knowledge of the possibility of the project, it would really just be fanfiction. With the green light from the big wigs, there is now a reason to sit down and write the story.

    2. I still can't get past the fact though that we already have a satisfying origin for these characters. Moore showed us all the key moments in their past that shaped them. What are we going to get? Knowing DC it'll just be a whole lot of punching.

  8. Aside from the fact that the original creators are strongly opposed (can't we at least wait for them to die?*) and it is a cynical money-grab exercise - What percentage of prequels are actually interesting? If it's in double digits I'd be surprised.

    And on top of that, DC are making such a mess of everything at the moment that it's hard to believe this will be good.

    *Though I do agree it's well within DCs rights to do this, and Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons should do work for hire if they don't want people to play with their toys. But still, it's a hugely respected work by hugely respected people. It's more of a respect thing.

    1. Oh, this is interesting - I was wrong about the work-for-hire thing, apparently:

    2. That IS interesting, and a little shady. Loophole, eh? Hmmmph....

  9. Maybe let go of the idea that comics are supposed to be "childish and foolish", then you won't be a self-hating comics reader, then you won't be bothered by someone posting a funny diss article on the internet?

    1. who me? Oh not to worry...I'm certainly not self-hating, and I'm not particularly bothered :)

  10. These comments have been interesting!Although what Luke said "I still can't get past the fact though that we already have a satisfying origin for these characters. Moore showed us all the key moments in their past that shaped them. What are we going to get? Knowing DC it'll just be a whole lot of punching"

    Pretty much what I'm feeling towards it. I am interested to see what Brian Azzarello would do in that world though

  11. Not only did we get rich backstories on each character, but most of them occurred in single issues of flashbacks. Seeing as how DC is now devoting 4 - 6 issues on single characters that don't require a lot of extra exploring, I imagine these will be incredibly decompressed and not at all presented in the Watchmen style.

  12. I gotta read the original again. I just watched the movie on blu-ray a little while ago and remembered how much I like that. More now than in theatres! And I recall the novel being about a million times better. So yeah I'll re-read it and maybe retro review it before getting to these "before" titles. You're right that they're unnecessary but hey, they don't CHANGE The original, right?

    WHO'S WATCHING (the publisher of) THE WATCHMEN?????

  13. Oh which reminds me (I LOVE commenting on this post! :D) I saw Kevin Smith live in TO last night and someone asked him about this. He told a story of how a couple years ago DC was planning this (and all the changes for this year) and told him about it. at first he was like "You guys are crazy...the fans will tear you apart" or something but then he came around to thinking it could be interesting and that he'd probably read them. Then they asked if he wanted to write on. He was like, "OH NO I couldn't do THAT! Are you CRAZY??"

    Anyway paraphrasing of course but take it for what it's worth....

  14. I think the fact that DC seriously wanted Kevin Smith to write Watchmen is the most damning evidence so far that DC have zero idea what they're doing.

    Kudos to Kevin for being honest that it's a poor fit.

  15. How the FUCK did I miss this discussion???

    Having a kid going Hulk really puts a damper on things. Glad he has started to simmer a little finally.