Review: The Dark Knight Rises Movie Masters: Batman and Bane.

Last week when I reviewed Mattel’s 6 inch Movie Masters Catwoman (apparently with premium sculpting and articulation for the “Adult Collector”) I childishly lamented that I didn’t pick up the Batman so I could draw a comparison. Well wipe away those bat-tears because, thanks to a recent sale at Toys R Us, I now not only own screaming/spitting vigilante/maniac Batman, but also extreme sexual deviant/sadist Bane!

This is the make-up after the break-up.

How do these two dapper gents size up against crazy cat-lady Catwoman? Find out what I thought of all this... after the jump!

I haven’t taken any packing shots as you’ve already seen my Catwoman pictures. Rest assured that the packages were as equally moody and jagged as hers was and I nearly tore off a finger opening them up.

But what I do want to dwell on is the mystery surrounding the other figures in the line. Each figure comes with a piece to construct a massive bat-signal, and you need to collect six figures to build the entire thing. We know there’s the three I’ve now got, and there’s also the elusive Michael Caine as Alfred Daddy-Butler, but who are the other two? An ebay search reveals old man Gary Oldman as walrus-moustachioed commissioner Jim “Dandy” Gordon. So who is the other one?

Our friends at Big Bad Toy Store are listing Joseph Gordon Levitt’s cop character John Blake, but there’s no image, PLUS they’re also listing a seventh mystery figure which is assumed to be (spoilers) Lord Liam Neeson. Not even the Dark Knight Detective could solve this one.

So let’s look at the new parts that I did get. Batman comes with the concrete foundation that slots into the welcoming hole on Catwoman’s base, and it looks like you can shove the signal right up Bane’s bracket...

I think it will be a nifty little display environment once complete, but it will be no easy task to assemble it all.  And unless I submit to buying a plastic effigy of geezer Michael Caine as Allegory Butler, it seems like my bat-signal is destined to remain incomplete.

Now on to the figures themselves...

The sculpts are fine here, they’re good looking figures, but I still don’t feel that they’re really of a quality that quite justifies their price-point or “adult collector” status. Once you dispose of the crazily large packaging they’re not quite as impressive as you’d hope them to be. Although perhaps I've been spoiled by collecting high-end items. I mainly say that to remind you that I am fancy.

The sculptural details are actually quite solid, especially on the respective armours, but the main problem I have is that a lot of the articulation is kind of clunky and ugly. The design of both Batman and Bane’s costumes doesn’t really allow them to pose especially dynamically. Although Bruce was right to insist on a helmet instead of a cowl. At least this guy can turn his head!

But he does struggle to bend his elbows and, in that big jacket, Bane's arms are even more useless which is disappointing. They're just too bulky. In fact you’ll get a lot more posability out of far cheaper 3 3/4 inch figures. Show them how it’s done Hallelujah Iron Man:

Now that's what I'm talking about! I'm talking about THAT! Whatever that is! Look at those hips! Advantage: Stark.

But if you’re happy to display them standing around and brooding, then these are still the best option currently available at this scale. I have to admit that, despite any misgivings, I'm actually growing quite fond of these. I was ready to be a little "meh" but once I started photographing them and really studying their little details, they're a nice couple of figures. I'm having more fun with them than I probably should be.

Oh! Except they come with zero accessories! (Excluding the bat-signal pieces). It's not so bad with Bane because his fists are tightly clenched and I guess he's just going to punch the shit out of you. And your pelvis. But Batman is gripping like he should be holding something. Where's his batarang? Or that big bat-laser gun thing? Or his bat-credit-card? Seems like a missed opportunity to me.

So all that toy-talk aside, now I have the three main characters, do they offer any clues to the storyline of the movie? I think so. Using my own keen deductions I expect that the movie will feature a lot of this:

Like maybe 50 times or so.

And I'm pretty sure that this will happen, probably due to drunkeness...

And I'm quite certain that a scene in the climax will probably look like this:

Now I know why Catwoman's hands were open. She needs to grasp Batman's ears to pilot him in a pivotal scene. And Bruce will stagger around confused screaming, "Help me, Jim! I'm totally pussy-whipped!"

Now it's just stupid so we're going to stop.