Friday, July 6, 2012

Review: The Avengers Squinkies! WTF is a Squinky?

What is a Squinky? Nobody knows! Science is baffled! But when I saw that there was a set of movie The Avengers themed Squinkies I knew that I must buy them and science be damned! Besides, I needed the oddball Black Widow to add to my rapidly expanding collection.

So I may not have too many answers on the true nature of science/nature/God-defying Squinkies (I can tell you that they are small, and squishy, but you can’t eat them as they are made of a substance yet uncategorised by man) but I will open them up and let you see them with your own skeptical eyes.

Flubber? I think perhaps they are made of Flubber. To unravel this mystery... join me after the jump!

Firstly, these are tiny! Like super tiny! They barely brush up against a Lego minifigures nipple. They're smaller than a honeybee's balls. Think of something really small. Now divide that in half. You’re not even close. They can barely be seen by the human eye. Does the back of the package shed any light on all this?


They come with plastic transparent spheres that you can store them inside which is a great safeguard, especially if you’re still determined to eat them. Or in case they get stolen by ants or mice. I did hear wild rumours that you might be able to play some sort of game with them but I’m not entirely sure what that entails. My guess is that you throw them at each other and the last person to lose consciousness wins.

One of the figures is a “mystery” figure in an opaque red ball. But the process of elimination pretty much guarantees it to be Loki, right? I mean, it’s gotta be Loki! He’s the main dude! I promise that I will eat a top hat if it’s Aunt May. I'll eat a bowling ball sandwich if it's M.O.D.O.K.

Nope! It's Loki. Look at the squishy, evil bastard! That's one sinister Squinky! Whatever that is!

Let’s take a closer look at them in pairs:

So you've already seen squishy baby Loki, but what about Mini Samuel L. Jackson as Munchkin Fury? He looks like pint-size Gary Coleman found a magic lamp and wished for facial hair.

These photos really amplify paint flaws that can't be seen as easily with the naked eye...

For example, up close Cap's sloppy helmet looks like a smurf threw up on him. And Iron Man's just bland. Much better are these two:

Thor is now played by Sean Bean apparently. And that Hulk is just crazy. If you saw that coming at you, you would shit!

And here's the figure I bought this for:

Squishy Black Widow! At least she has boobs this time, unlike some of the other freakish versions I've acquired over the last few weeks. Hawkeye looks like someone shaved a garden gnome.

We also get two bases/accessories. First up is a squished baby version of the Quinjet. Although, at this comparative scale, it’s more of a Quinrollerskate...

And there’s this flaming Avengers base which is pretty cool for the one figure that gets to use it. I’ve made my choice:

And speaking of Black Widow, let’s add this squishy, microscopic version to the ever-expanding shrine. I mean, collection. See how tiny this thing actually is!

Now wasn’t that sickening satisfying?

And I still don’t know what a Squinky is! But I just ate five of them.

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