David Tennant Does the Clone Wars!

George Takei voiced Lok Durd, Simon Pegg voiced Dengar, and now ex-Doctor David Tennant has been officially absorbed into the rapidly expanding Star Wars saga. He plays ancient droid lightsaber expert/archivist Huyang in the latest animated Clone Wars episode A Test of Strength which follows a bunch of sassy, wide-eyed Jedi younglings who are attempting to custom build their baby’s-first-lightsaber. You can get a taste of his performance in this preview clip here:

More than just a cameo, Huyang is present for the entire episode and there’s no doubt that Tennant manages to give him an energy and import that is necessary to make us care about another silly robot. The fact that he’s providing some previously unrevealed Jedi lore is an added bonus. Plus he totally schools those obnoxious kids!

I've been uncharacteristically tight-lipped about Clone Wars Season Five, now seven episodes in, but if you want to hear my general thoughts so far... join me after the jump!

Review: Star Wars Action Figure Jackpot: Vintage Darth Malgus!

I have bemoaned 2012's lack of Star Wars action figures so much of late that I've started phoning random strangers to complain about it. Store shelves are still clogged with leftovers from the Phantom Menace 3D  release and new figures are rarer than nipples on Mickey Mouse. So imagine my shock when I saw this scowling puppy on AN ACTUAL STORE SHELF!

I thought it was an action figure mirage! I had to rub my eyes, pinch myself and sling my bottle of whiskey over my shoulder. But nope... this is the real deal. Darth Malgus - the big bad from The Old Republic MMORPG -  is easily the most sought after of his wave and frequently commands ridiculously high prices on ebay. And he's a videogame character on a vintage style card! Isn't that fun/wacky? Like seeing a pig in a pair of pants! So naturally I snapped him up, plus one of his friends.

To see more of this historical find... join me after the jump!

What!? New Star Wars Figures?! Mother Talzin Makes the Cut.

This year it's like Hasbro's long-running Star Wars figures have gone into hiding. Even online they are rarer than unicorn fingers and it feels like it's been a long time since we've had any significant news. Even in the Clone Wars line the focus has shifted to continuous updates of core characters, and the obscure fringe character coveted by crotchety old collectors are mostly missing in action.

So I'm jazzed to see that Rebel Scum is reporting a new Target Exclusive Darth Maul Returns (it turns out he had just ducked out for milk. He wasn't even gone long) battle pack, including three figures, one of which is much requested character debut:

This image is from Rebel Scum who could service themselves with a more legible watermark.

Yes, I'm talking about Mother Talzin, the spooky Nightsister leader who is derived from some discarded Episode One concept art. NEVER throw anything away! I believe a Lucas intern had just eaten a particularly greasy hamburger and was about to wipe his glistening maw with the discarded sketch and George Lucas himself burst in and bellowed, "NO! I just invented something called a Mother Talzin!" and he wrestled the sketch from the terrified intern's hand. Although I might have dreamed that.

Also included here is Lucas' other off-the-cuff invention, Darth Maul's yellow brother Savage Oppress. Their mother owned a copy of Most Depressing Baby Names Ever. Not too exciting as we've seen Savage twice before, but the Roboleg Maul is brand new, although I would have preferred his crazy spider body. Still, it's great to see something new and I look forward to paying five times the retail price for this on ebay!

The Clone Wars Season 5 Trailer!

What better way to put a cap on Star Wars Day than showing this brief but intriguing trailer for The Clone Wars Season Five? If you've been enjoying the show as much as I have lately then this will surely whet your appetite. Clone Wars is the best Star Wars we've had in a very long time and if you've never taken the plunge I would stop to check it out. It's on the official Star Wars site in beautiful quality. And on youtube in sub-par quality.

Darth Maul's voice actor, Sam Witwer, has said many times in interviews that we've only just scratched the surface with the freshly returned Darth Maul and that large things are in store for his character. The fact that they're showing footage of him so early gives me hope that he'll appear far earlier in the series this time. And it's always good to see John Favreau's Mandalorian leader Pre Visla return.

Plus, I think it's super cute how American's call Autumn "Fall" because the leaves fall off the trees! I vote we call summer "Melt" because ice creams melt! Awwwww!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E22: Revenge (Finale!)

Season Four of the increasingly ambitious Clone Wars has finally reached its end with the long promised return of short-lived, neatly-sliced, fan-favourite Darth Maul. At the end of last week's episode Brothers we got our first look at how insane and twisted the cobbled together Spider-Maul had become, and now this week's show aims to give us a scant 22 minutes of Maul's actual revenge on a floppy-haired Kenobi.

Will it live up to the hype? Join me after the jump where I will regale you with the truth...

Clone Wars Recap S4 E21: Brothers! The Return of Darth Maul!

Clone Wars fans have been anticipating this for over a year now, and this week, finally, the short-lived severed "star" of The Phantom Menace - Darth Maul - emerges from ten years of seclusion to scare the everliving shit out of your kids. And I'm not exaggerating. We all figured it would badass, but we didn't realise it would be a creepy fever dream into the mouth of madness. 

If you've seen shiny-crotched robot leg Maul and think you know how this is all going to pan out, then guess again. The Clone Wars miraculously team managed to keep a major secret about Darth Maul's mysterious bottom half. Join me after the jump and I'll tell you what it is...

Clone Wars Recap S4 E20: Bounty!

As we edge ever closer to next week's long-anticipated return of short-lived, severed scary-clown Darth Maul, this week's Clone Wars continues to follow the wacky misadventures of scorned Sith witch Asajj Ventriss. This week she teams up with Boba Fett, Bossk and - would you believe - bandaged, loafer-wearing deadweight Dengar, now inexplicably voiced by Simon Pegg!

Asajj is rapidly becoming the breakout character of the entire series so if you miss this one you should be publicly shamed. And probably shaved.

TEH BOYZ R BACK IN TOWN BOYZ R BACK IN TOWN YEEEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
(That's Boba's fashion-forward new helmet on the right).

Join me after the jump to find out why this episode rocked not one, but both of my socks...

Wait.... Simon Pegg is Dengar?!

You know that I've been bewilderingly excited about lumpy, bandaged bounty hunter Dengar making his animated debut on Star Wars The Clone Wars this week, but today I discover that Dengar will be voiced by none other than jovial ginger Simon Pegg!? WTF!?

Here's Pegg sitting on the toilet - possibly the same toilet that Dengar smashed his head on while drunk.

We already knew that he was British thanks to the brief preview clip I showed last week, but I wouldn't have imagined that the mighty Pegg - although clearly a huge Star Wars fan - would accept the hideous, oft-mocked 3rd-stringer gun-slinger as his role in the Star Wars saga. I guess this means that Dengar is going to be a constantly quipping smartarse, which is kind of a shame because, based on his look, I've always imagined him to be a shifty, terminally depressed George Constanza. Bear in mind that in Empire Strikes Back he's fat, bandaged, and wears brown stormtrooper armour and loafers.

I'll be sure to bring you all the news on Dengar's debut once the episode airs!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E19: Massacre!

Clone Wars begins its epic final four-part arc for this season (the arc that will culminate in the return of a robo-crotched Maul) and holy crap was it a good one! This was one of the darkest, trippy, unforgiving episodes ever, as an invading fleet of tanks and droids got caught up in a world of creepy women and witchcraft. Bathed in blood red and acid green, this episode was seriously like Star Wars meets Suspiria. And I loved it!

Once you've watched it, join me after the jump where our jaws will drop in astonishment together!

Confirmed! Darth Maul has Mechanical Legs!

We had a lot of theories about what would be happening with Darth Maul's lower half when he returned on the Clone Wars. Originally I hoped his severed bottom half would be replaced by a squeaky mop bucket on wheels, and then I was beginning to hope that his new bottom half would be an upside down facsimile of his top half so that he resembled a menacing playing card. And that he would constantly yell, "IT'S A JACK ATTACK, BABY!"

Well thanks to this new epic trailer for his four-part return, we now definitively know that he has robot legs. He also has a smooth, featureless robot crotch, which might explain why he's so damn angry all the time.

But don't take my ridiculous word for it. Press play and watch it for yourself!

Video Featurette on Darth Maul's Clone Wars Return!

Yeah, he got cut in half, but thanks to *insert unfeasible explanation later* Darth Maul got better! He's going to be back on the Clone Wars next month and apparently will be getting all emo about the dapper man that halved him - Obi Wan Kenobi!

MTV Geek (and if you read their article you'll quickly realise that I should have said: ZOMG MTV GEEEK!!!!!>!!<$$@551111") have posted a new behind-the-scenes video and have also announced the news (that was leaked months ago) that the Force Unleashed and the Bastard-American Being Human's Sam Witwer (no relation to the Transformers' pal Sam Witwicky) will being playing the role.

Darth Maul was originally voiced by refined English gentleman and comedian Peter Serafinowicz who has been usurped by an American because his surname was too hard to spell. Or, if you read MTV Geek's article perhaps I should have said, "ZOMG! DREAMY HUNK SAM WITWER CAN TOTES PUT HIS LIGHTSABER IN MY PANTS". Seriously. Go and read that article.

Anyway, the good news is that Sam Witwer gives 100% commitment to everything he does. Even that time Bumblebee was crying because Sam had to go to college. Check it out, it's a great clip:

  

Get More: MTV Shows

And note that we still haven't gotten a glimpse of Darth Maul's mysterious bottom half. So my squeaky mop bucket theory is still yet to be disproved. SQUEAK. SQUEAK. SQUEAK.

Clone Wars Recap S4 E18: Crisis on Naboo!

After three weeks of nefarious plotting, scheming, and bullshitting to Anakin, the plot to kidnap Palpatine is finally happening! Will it succeed, thereby changing the entire course and plots of Episodes III - VI? Uh... probably not. But it's a good excuse for some animated violence.

Thanks to the painful lingering after effects of Dan Ackroyd's Crystal Head vodka this recap will probably be a lot lazier than usual. But join me after the jump and I'll see what I can do...

Clone Wars Recap S4 E17: The Box!

As part three of our current four part story begins we know that foppish lying douchebag Obi Wan Kenobi faked his own death, disguised himself as bounty hunter Rako Hardeen and is hanging out with Cad Bane. Anakin didn't know but now kinda' knows, but maybe doesn't really care. And someone's out to kill Palpatine who is probably pulling the strings anyway. Confused? Well it doesn't amount to shit because this rip-roaring episode is about cramming a whole ton of bounty hunters into a murderous box!

EMBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Join me after the jump for more, but be forewarned that this was another great one, so if you don't want to be spoiled then I suggest you watch it first!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E16: Friends and Enemies!

After a rollicking, hand-stabbing, mass-murdering, bounty hunter filled episode last week, the Clone Wars returns with part two of the "Let's Foolishly Lie to Anakin About Obi Wan's Death" quadrilogy. And seriously, at this point just about anything could happen. Maybe Obi Wan will blind a child with a spoon.

Lock, load and join me after the jump to find out everything you need to know!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E15: Deception!

This week the Clone Wars kicks off a new four part story which continues the downward spiral into darkness and depravity. Ever wanted to see a beloved childhood hero impale a guy’s hand with a piece of cutlery? I’ve been wanting to see that for over 30 years, and Deception did not disappoint! (Unless it was a spork. That would be mildly disappointing). And did I mention that this episode is also jam-packed with some of the most notorious bounty hunters in the galaxy?

This is one of the good ones, folks, so if you have any interest then please be sure to check it out before joining me after the jump - because, seriously, I am about to spoil the shit out of it for you!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E14: A Friend in Need! MANDALORIANS PEW PEW!

Holy crap, you guys, the Mandalorians are back on the Clone Wars! And not the sissy Arian dignitary Mandalorians that talk endlessly in glass cubes and poison each other's tea. I'm talking about the badass Boba Fett T-visor helmet, jet backpack, flame-thrower wrist PEW PEW I'MMA KILL YOU Mandalorians led by Pre Visla (voiced by John Favreau).

PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW!

If you're entire body is suddenly rocking violently with bloodlust and testosterone then join me after the jump!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E13: Escape from Kadavo!

Hey! What?! Clone Wars is back!? The series return kind of snuck up behind me and bludgeoned me with a... um... wamprat? When we last left Anakin and Co. before the Christmas break, they were suffering the consequences of a ridiculously stupid plan on the Planet of the Slaver Wolverines. Due to Anakin's idiotic plot and Obi Wan's uncharacteristically rash foolishness, Ahsoka was in a cage, Obi Wan was in a slave facility, and Anakin was the pet of a sexy queen. Wait... that last one doesn't sound too bad. OH! Now I understand his plan!

Okay... she's not that hot...

So the question with the new episode is: how are they going to get out of this mess? And perhaps, more importantly, how long is going to take them to erase their past mistakes? Join me after the jump to find out!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E12: Slaves of the Republic!

Angry teen Anakin and sassmouth sidekick Ahsoka return today in Slaves of the Republic, the second part of the OH NOES, SLAVERY!!1 trilogy. When we last saw our heroes, a whole colony of Togruta had been kidnapped, your maiden aunt Obi Wan Kenobi had just had the shite beaten out of him by badass Slaver Wolverine, and Anakin unleashed his frustrations on a tentacle rape beast. Will the action continue to ramp up this week? Will Anakin, haunted by his childhood as a Toydarian sex slave, totally lose his shit? What we do know in advance is that Ahsoka is rockin' a new slave outfit and now lives in a cage.

Star Wars: continuing to remind us that slavery is totally wrong. Unless it's sexy.

Let's unwrap this episode after the jump!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E11: Kidnapped!

Now that giant Muppet Jedi bastard Krell has been dispatched, it's time to embark on a brand new adventure - this time starring rockstar dude-bros Anakin and Obi Wan! Wait... whaaa!? After such a long hiatus, do we even remember who these guys are? Obi What Ken-What-Now?

A tribe of Togruta colonists are missing and the truth behind their disappearance has potential to drive Anakin Skywalker totally darkside wacky! Let's get to the bottom of this tomfoolery after the jump!

Clone Wars Recap S4 E10: Carnage of Krell

WHOA! Shit just got real, yo! The first three episodes of the four-part Umbara arc on The Clone Wars left us with a serious feeling of deja vu as key plot points continued to repeat themselves - again, and again. But fourth time's the charm, and all eyes were on the finale to see if this whole thing was actually going somewhere, and specifically if douchebag Muppet Jedi Krell was finally going to have a throw-down battle with the increasingly disenchanted clone commander Rex, where only one of them walked away. And I'm thrilled to say that I wasn't disappointed.

This was a pretty hardcore and uncompromising cap to the story, so much so that I'd be surprised if Lucas and Co. even had any balls left after banging them up against the wall so long. Huge SPOILERS ahead, so if you haven't seen this one and intend to, then I sincerely suggest that this time you watch the episode first.

The rest of you? ONWARD!