Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Celebrity Apprentice Outrage! Why I Won’t be Recapping the Final Two Episodes!

I am out! I’m done! I’m moving on! I began watching the first part of the Celebrity Apprentice finale but by the halfway point my ire was raised and my interest had waned. But worst of all, I felt incredibly manipulated by what had just transpired. For me, the screaming celebrity circus train had come right off the rails.

We’re heading into spoiler territory now, so to read my full rant, join me after the jump!

Firstly, they fired Aubrey.

Super genius, most creative and talented and attractive being in the entire universe, Aubrey. Gone.

My predictions were way off base. I was convinced that Aubrey was locked in for the final and that Arsenio was most likely to go. She was narcissistic, evil, and annoying as hell but she was a powerful and entertaining player and I feel like she deserved to battle to the end. She probably didn't deserve to win, but she needed to be there.

My foolish mistake was underestimating the producers. They’re smart puppeteers. By this point they’ve had their hand up just about everyone, including: Donald, the contestants, and you and me, the viewers. And I don’t want a hand up me! At least get to know me first.

What I really dislike about this decision is that it signals a drastic shift in tone for the series. Previous firing decisions have not remotely been based on integrity or ability, but rather they've been about structuring an entertaining and drama-filled show. The tasks have been a farce, almost pushed to the background while the real emphasis has been creating conflict by firing boring or challenging contestants via arbitrary judgements. Celebrities have been repeatedly humiliated and unfairly eliminated while the show has profited from our interest in the players' public meltdowns.

But now the Celebrity Apprentice wants to play nice.

This current episode is about two bland, easy-going and relatively non-controversial final contestants working hard to raise money for two important charities. The drama has been traded for sweet sentiment, sad music, and bonding together to raise money for the greater good. And that’s all fine - it’s noble. I respect Arsenio and Clay and in no way want to diminish their efforts with unwarranted cynicism - their cause is just - but I don’t want to write about it. It’s not what I'm here for. And I’m guessing it’s not what you’re here to read. I can’t write snarky jokes about an effort to raise money for a worthy cause. I was here for the circus and it just left town.

I hate that the show wants to have it both ways. They spent so much time feeding off the negativity and drama and then want to pretend like they’re really doing something noble at the end. It's almost as though they believe it erases everything that happened beforehand. But it doesn’t.

So I am taking this opportunity to cast off the shackles of my Celebrity Apprentice recaps! I am free! Hooray! Good luck to the final two, and thank you for reading this far!

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