Tuesday, February 21, 2012


Gone. Then back. Gone. Then back.

Guess what?

Now I'm back. Here to stay. For now. Mwuhahahahahaha!

My kid seems to be leveling off. He had almost become feral there for a while. Werewolfian in nature. It was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Bennett.

I gotta tell you...being a Special Needs Dad can suck it sometimes. But? And there is always a but...it can also bring you intense amounts of joy, teach you shitloads about the kind of man you are, and show you what you are actually made of.

Though I am not recommending you run out and try it, by any means, all I am saying is that there is, like any slice of Hell's Pizza, something to be said for at least having something to EAT that is yummy, delicious...and really, really bad for you.

I don't expect anybody to understand that. I just like talking about food.

Speaking of food...one of my fellow Special Needs peeps sent me a link to this today...had to share...though I'm sure everybody has seen them already.

Why show it now?

Well, since my stress level has been running at around 1.21 Gigawatts for...oh, around 2-3 years now, my Triglyceride count is now up WELL over 500. It was in the low 600's right before my Tonsillectomy. Yeah, that's right, welcome to the Very Bad Health Channel. And my blood sugar levels are up there too. I am dangerously close to not only Diabetes, but probably an early grave.

My weight isn't up over what it was when Bennett's problems started. In fact, it's down significantly. But my habits suck, and my stress it is oh so very unreleased.

And so the times they need to be changin'. Like...yesterday.

That means dramatically. And one of the biggest things is saying goodbye to sugary goodness. Letting go of things like Muppet Cupcakes or anything even remotely related to it. Unless they are made of Salmon or something.

So consider this post a final farewell to the glory of sugar...because as you know, it isn't real unless you blog about it first. And to say goodbye I give you some of the greatest sweets ever to land on this side of the pastry shelf.

How do you even MAKE something like that? And get it to stay in a GODDAMN SPHERE!?!?!? Somewhere behind this cake? There is a MILF. Doesn't matter what she looks like.

Would I be weird if I ate this crotch-first?

That one kind of cheats, using the Hasbro 12-inch Slave Leia. BUT...I get it, trying to sculpt a Slave Leia in cake and icing might result in a Slave Leia looking like Carrie Fisher today.

A Wizard of Oz Cake. I have never seen that film. What does that say about me? Never read the book either. Nifty cake though. I'd munch.

A Hogwart's cake from the Harry Potter movies. I have never seen any of THOSE films. Or read any of THOSE books. What does that say about me? I have had sex, though.

A CRAB CAKE. Hee hee. Get it? That is super, SUPER wild. Looks like it would get up, crawl across the table and eat YOU. I think it troubles me now. I can't stop looking at it.

Oh SHIT...another one? Hey it was on the same website. Couldn't help myself. It's strangely hypnotic though, isn't it? If you stare at it long enough, the tentacles almost start to...move. I'm scared. Hold me.

Whew...that's better. Actually, it's not a cake at all. It's a Chestburster prosthetic. I stumbled on the photo while I was trying to find a picture I recalled of this super cool Chestburster Wedding Cake. But it's titties, and when you need to snap out of a funk, titties is the prescription.

OK, here's the actual cake.

Is that not the coolest thing...like, ever? I will say this, you have to have the most understanding, or weirdest, woman in the world in your life who is tying the knot with you to agree to THAT being at your reception.

I thought those were kind of classy...

Another one that just blows my FREAKIN' mind. That is ART, not FOOD. The 20-sided Dice is just a touch that sends it from a 10 to an 11.

I call dibs on the tongue!

Now that...THAT...is a mufuggin Wedding Cake! Can you IMAGINE having that at your wedding? That dude should never, EVER...let that woman go!

Got me to wondering if you could possibly make a classy Batman Wedding Cake. SO I started looking. Most of what I found was crap. A LOT of what I found was crap. I only found ONE cake in my limited amount of searching that satisfied my criteria. It had to have a Batman theme and it had to be able to pass my own wife's muster.

THAT would not be easy, cause no way would she approve anything like that Falcon or the Chestburster.

But she might...she just MIGHT...go for this one...

Except honestly? Major ball droppage here. This could have been pushed farther. You could have worked in a couple more bat symbols at the bottom, and changed the Robin 'R' to look more like a traditional Robin 'R' or even dropped it from up there completely, and gotten away with a LOT more to give it a way better Dark Knight feel, don't you think?

That batshit would NOT fly at this wedding, I guarantee that.



  1. hmmm....lunchtime! Dessert first! :D

    Wow I want that millennium falcon cake for display purposes only! The dragon too. Who could bring themselves to destroy such awesomeness by eating it???

  2. I can see no other way to approach that Captain Kirk cake. It does say "To Boldly go" what else could it mean?

  3. It doesn't match the quality of those, but I will always love my R2-D2 cake from my wedding. My wife was all for it.