Did you watch Project Runway? NO?!? Then you missed a doozy! It's OK, though, because I drew pictures. Come and look at them!
The designers are put into two groups of five, and you can bet they're happy about that. There are no team leaders, although Josh M has trouble with this concept. Bert is picked last, as usual, which Heidi points out to him in case he hadn't noticed. "You're always the last one!"The challenge is to design fabrics and then design a collection and runway show, including video backdrop and choosing music (out of the range of bland, non-copyright disco tracks they are given).
The designers have basically formed into two groups, the good one and the disaster. The good one, with Anya, Anthony Ryan, Oliver, Bryce and Viktor, work well together and make a great collection. Yawn! The disaster group (Josh M, Bert, Becky, Laura and Kimberley) is much better.
First of all, they have to come up with a theme. "Sea amoebas!" says Laura (I think she means anemones) and Bert barks, "WHO?" Josh M suggests The Village People as a theme, which strengthens my suspicions that he is a Christian conservative masquerading as a gay man to get ahead. He is way too much of a caricature. I begin to wonder if he has gone nuts.
Finally they agree on the theme of 'clocks', which is not so much a theme as a noun, but oh well! They start trying to design their fabrics, Bert mutters a swear under his breath and Josh loses his shit. "I will not stand for it!" He threatens to forfeit and storms off. Bert comments that he likes Becky and Kimberley as they can "keep their personal jazz out of it". I like this phrase a lot and am going to try to incorporate it into my daily life. ("I need to take Tuesday off, I have some personal jazz to attend to.")
Josh apologises grandly and life goes on. Good Team are using the theme of chaos and madness and using Rorshach test patterns. Team Disaster choose Laura and Josh to go tape their video and he insists on lots of shots of shoes, still pursuing the title of Gayest Stereotype Ever.
Tim comes to look at their collections and is so worried about Team Disaster that he makes them hold hands and make pledges to communicate and work together. Oh Tim! You just want everyone to be happy.
Josh proclaims, "I come from a very humble family." My husband mutters, "I guess he broke that tradition..."
Finally the clothes come out. Good Team have lovely clothes, blah blah who cares. (Anya wins even though Oliver and Viktor made more interesting clothes. Pressure from producers to give the fan favourite a bone?) On the other hand, Team Disaster have wonderfully awful clothes.
Their patterns are completely awful. Why do the designers always come up with such crappy patterns? Bert makes a long dress out of Becky's circa 1994 cogs design, and he has decided for some reason to end it mid-calf. Bert, you are a nutty nut.
Josh M has made a hideously overdesigned jacket made to echo the cog pattern. When Tim asked his where a woman would wear this jacket, he lost his shit but man, that is a good question. He has done the old trick of using handwritten words instead of designing a pattern but has chosen really depressing words like CANCELLED. Whah.
The winning and losing teams are obvious from the start but who will go home? The judges get really stuck into the team. When the camera shows the designers, Laura's face is a priceless mixture of terror and sycophantic agreement.
In the end Becky, who has made a top, skirt and jacket so boring I couldn't be bothered drawing them, is out. She is sad I guess but I can't stop looking at Anya's earrings. They are bigger than her head! Oh Anya, you're so adorable!