Thursday, November 24, 2011

John Carter Goes to Mars, Fights White Ape, Internet Cries.

So if you didn't know, genius Andrew Stanton - writer of all three Toy Story movies and director of Finding Nemo and Wall-E - is making a film based on John Carter of Mars based on the novels by classic scribe Edgar Rice Burroughs (Tar-fucking-zan). It stars Taylor "Gambit" Kitsch, Willem "Green Goblin Defoe", Mark "Sinestro" Strong, Thomas Hayden "Sandma"n Church, and Lynn "Silver Fox" Collins. It's about John Carter who thinks earth is a totally sissy wasteland so he jumps to Mars and kicks a White Ape's ass. Sounds pretty damn incredible right? And it looks like this (as recently revealed by Entertainment Weekly):

Now you would think that the sophisticated gentlemen of the Internets would be high-fiving in delight that such a thing even exists, delighted by the very fact that Sir Andrew Golden Stanton is descending from the heavens to entertain us with another delicious slice of classic storytelling. But no. Instead everyone is all "GEONOSIS LOL! ATTACK OF TEH CLONEZ!!" and saying that this looks shit and will suck.

Listen up, Internet. That's Lord Andrew You've-Got-A-Friend-In-Me Stanton you're talking about and he deserves your frigging respect. Even if this does look shit (and it doesn't) you should still trust that next year he's going to punch in your face through the screen. Or at least die trying. So give him a chance! Because if you don't want to see John Carter jump to Mars and beat on a White Ape then what the hell do you want to see? John Carter stay home and drink a beer? I think not!

How excited are you for John Carter and what other awesome shit do you think he will do once he gets to Mars?


  1. I watched the trailer a while ago, because I was totally into Taylor 'Riggins' Kitsch being in a sci fi Mars movie looks a bit crap. I'm willing to be proven wrong though. Conan looked crap and it thought that was surprisingly fun. In a violent chauvinistic kind of way.

  2. Yeah. Andrew Stanton... hit and miss... but TAYLOR KITSCH!!WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

  3. That was supposed to be '*I* thought'. Damn you iPhone.