Thursday, October 6, 2011

I Need a $4,000 Sub Atomic Ray Gun from Weta

Weta studios, the crazy Kiwi bastard geniuses who brought Gollum to life in a lab, also make highly stylish but dangerous ray guns. Unfortunately they're not allowed to sell the originals (they use them to disintegrate problem sheep) but they will make you up an incredibly tight and realistic replica for your own steampunk adventuring.

Their latest model is the fashionably red Pomson 6000 Sub Atomic Ray Gun and it will cost you a cool $3,990 plus an additional hundred or so to have it shipped to my house. It's as stunning as you would expect and, in fact, it looks a lot like this...

Yes, it's expensive, but you have to admit that it's incredibly well-made and awesome. Plus they throw in a lovely wife.

I would describe the gun further, but not only are those talented maniacs at Weta incredibly good with their beautiful hands, but they are also far more gifted wordsmiths than I am. This is what they say about the gun's capabilities:
"Blasting out rapid-succession pulses of cross-spectrum electromagnetic radiation, the Pomson has been shown to dissolve an Egyptian pyramid in four archeologically educational weeks or one of the smaller, slightly crappier Mayan ones in just under a fortnight. Imagine what it could do to that big ugly Mars face! On a more practical level, however, the Pomson has proven to be a highly flexible yet powerful firearm and purchasers are sure to wake up each morning with morning wood at the mere thought of owning one. That could also be a tumourous growth caused by unshielded radiation, but you can't sue us for that because it's in the contract. Sod off."
Well played, Weta, well played. (You'll find more of such writings in their brilliant Dr.Grodbort books). But better yet, go to their site and purchase one of this handsome weapons. Preferably for me.

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