Saturday, October 8, 2011

Project Runway Recaps: S09 E11

This week's episode was a return to "high fashion" and you know what that means: ridiculous outfits. Thank goodness! There was a nutty theme, lots of pressure, stressful surprises and one meltdown in the bathroom. Yay!

Everyone is still reeling from Anthony Ryan being sent home. Viktor observes that "Well, it just shows you that when Heidi says is true. One day you're in, one day you're out. In fashion." No Viktor, that pretty much just applies to the show, which is why Heidi says it on the show. But good try!

Viktor has plenty of zingers this week. For instance, when Heidi tells the designers that for this challenge they will have to spread their wings, he tells the camera, "My wings are spread, girl. Okay?" He hurriedly adds, "I'm just playing," in case viewers get confused and think he has actual wings. The group discusses what this will mean and apparently settle on skydiving. Yes, that is probably what this challenge is about. You morons.

As it turns out, the challenge is to create a high-fashion look inspired by birds. I am pretty excited about this! The challenge is designed to promote some new L'Oreal collection, which I am simultaneously cynical about and absolutely going to buy. The prize is an advertorial in Marie Claire and $20,000, so the designers are pretty keen.

They are all split into pairs, which makes them groan, but there's a Twist: this is a head-to-head challenge, which means that in each pair there will be a top and and bottom designer and this is how the top 3 and bottom 3 will be chosen! Each pair gets assigned a bird for inspiration. Anya and Laura get the raven, Josh and Bert get an Amazonian parrot, and Viktor and Kimberley get a cockatoo.

The challenge immediately brings out the bitchiness, as it is obviously designed to do. Josh thinks that he "brings a high-fashion eye' to design which will give him an edge over Bert, which makes me laugh merrily. Bert is depressed because he hates green. Cheer up, Bert! At Mood, Josh loads up on the ugliest, most fluorescent and man-made fabrics and notions he can find. His pile looks like he is planning to make dance costumes. Have you ever wondered what is the ugliest colour? Well, Josh has an answer for you:

He then proceeds to make long strips of brightly-coloured polyester chiffon and knot them together in complicated ways until he has created a monstrosity that even he can see is not working.

He scraps this and starts making something even uglier, which is kind of impressive. It's a circle skirt with reverse applique of a giant feather. How's that high-fashion eye working for you, Josh?

Viktor continues to irritate me every time he opens his mouth. He refers to his own work as 'glamazing' and says of Anya's dress, "This is like, saying: Hello, sexy!... dot com." WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT VIKTOR DOT ORG.

Now Tim comes in with a surprise. They have to make a second high-fashion look, based on the same inspiration, and both looks will be worn by the same model! Hmm, is anyone suspicious about this? Nope, they are just freaking out.

To make things worse, there is a cockroach in the workroom. Everyone jumps up on tables and screams until Anya kills it. Josh compares her to Lara Croft.

Kimberley is not doing well. Her fabric is stained, her look isn't working, she sews through her finger. He has a minor meltdown but she also tells sad stories about her family that I can't make fun of. Jeez, give me something to work with here!

Having ditched his look, Josh is short of fabric and asks Anya for some. She says maybe but has no intention of giving him anything, which is a little bit off after everyone helped her last week. I guess after winning with everyone else's help she realised that it's a bad idea? As she puts it, "It's one thing to be doing it a few challenges ago..." Anya, I love you, don't be a dick! I don't want to hate you! Especially after hearing you say 'raven' in your beautiful accent. 'Ray-vun,' you say, putting equal stress on both syllables. Don't take that away from me!

Making things worse, she asks Bert for advice on construction, which he gives her. Oh Anya!

Tim comes into the workroom. He asks Josh, "Qu'est-ce que c'est?" and Josh asks, "What's a kes-ke-say?" Oh Josh, haven't you ever listened to Talking Heads? Josh, having run out of fabric and time, has accidentally made a nice, simple dress. Bert suspects him of trying to duplicate his work or "impersonate" him, but I am pretty sure that if Josh could make another Mood trip for rhinestones the similarity would disappear fast.

Kimberley is depressed and Tim gives her a hug. Tim is the best! He cheers her on. Unfortunately her model comes in and she has boobs, which make the mostly-transparent dress she has made look "vulgar." Then she accidentally throws her dress on a hot glue gun and burns a hole in it. She has three hours to go and some polyester she bought for lining, and she has to start a new dress. Now that's good television! She starts making a long, one-shoulder white evening gown, which upsets Viktor, who has been making a long, one-shoulder evening gown. 

There is just a couple of hours left before runway, and Tim appears to tell them that... only one of their looks will appear on the runway and they have to choose which one. I get so excited that I shout "NO!!!" and my husband comes in from the other room to see what happened. Some are happy and some are frustrated. Josh, for instance, doesn't know which one to choose. "They're both so different!" Yes, but only one of them is hideous. 

Anya and Laura both choose unexpected looks: Anya has made a tailored, constructed dress (which I love) and Laura has made a jacket and pants. Unfortunately Laura's look (extremely tight pants, black jacket with burgundy feathers at the neck) looks like Goth Officewear. 

The judges hate Laura's literal interpretation of the raven and love Anya's cute dress. Unfortunately what they don't know is that Anya left out any zippers or fastenings, thinking that the dress would be stretchy enough to slip over her model, and had to cut it and sew it back on to her. The other designers are understandably a little frustrated. 

The judges also love Josh's dress, which I have to admit made me yawn.

I know, I know: it isn't easy to make a simple dress, draping is hard, etc. It just seemed like such a snooze. The only thing they didn't like was the stupid feathery corsage at the shoulder, which was the most Josh thing about the garment.

Bert tells the judges right away that he 's not happy with his dress (big mistake!). He blames it on his inspiration, a "short, dumpy little parrot." He has chosen to deal with the problem of green by hiding a flash of colour underneath his beloved grey, which could have been cool but just isn't. His dress is bland and generic, and if there's one thing the judges hate, it's bland.

The judges choose Kimberley's outfit over Viktor's, because his is too literal. No-one comments on the similarity of the dresses. Am I losing my mind?

Anya wins, which makes Josh furious. Bert is out, which is probably for the best. And we all march on towards Fashion Week!

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