Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Nerd History: Ten Terrible Christmas Advertisements

With all due respect to the late, great, Sammy Davis Jr, this is one terrible ad. Adding the "pop pop fizz fizz" to the carol, it's almost as bad as those Garmin commercials that use "Carol of the Bells" to sell...whatever it is they sell. So on this 12/12/12, let's indulge ourselves with some of the worst of the ads of Christmas past.

Personally, I know that my favorite holiday pastime is to take my lovely wife and kiss her on/around the nose while silver spoons fly by in a starship formation. Hey, I won't crap all over your traditions, and you don't have to crap all over mine, okay?

Believe it or not, this is not how most children play with their train sets - I can't speak for the adults. I may not be the most typical person, but I try not to sit around in my underwear - especially when young children are around. I mean, this felt wrong when it ran, right? Please?

This is a winning entry for your Tumblr Social Justice Bingo Card - it's such a pathetic attempt at sexism on so many levels, it's entirely too funny.

Because nothing says Christmas like a revolver. This one feels a little too on the nose for me, no?

I almost have to wonder if this pinup-style portrait was taken by our own Luke Milton in a previous lifetime. I don't know what the best part of this ad truly is - is it the tasteful sheerness of her outfit, which may show just a hint of the naughty bits? Is it her apparent foot fetish, given the attention to Santa's boots? Is it that "Miss Microsheen," in all her glory, is reduced to being a "slick chick?" You make the call!

The family that gifts each other rifles together stays together, or something. At least they all appear to be showing proper gun safety in this scene. I think.

The spiritual successor to Miss Microsheen, we learn that Santa has needs just like the rest of us, and simply cannot resist taking a peek where he probably shouldn't. I'm sure this makes you so much more comfortable with him sneaking into your house through your chimney in a couple weeks. Ladies, I suggest pants.

In this advertisement, I'm forced to believe that Santa, in his old age, now believes he is in a Quentin Tarantino film.

I suppose we can cap this off with a nice, smooth Chesterfield. Goodness knows Santa surely needs one after all the debauchery he's engaged in over the years.

Thanks to Ptak Science Books for the inspiration to find more of these and for some I've used here. If you have other favorite ads, share 'em in the comments!

1 comment:

  1. Best article EVER! "Isn't it time you gave YOURSELF a Christmas present?" I want that on cards to mail to everyone I know :D