The Book Was Better Episode 150: Annual Novelization Challenge - Elf Man!

It's that time of year! Welcome to the annual Book Was Better Novelization Challenge! The tables have turned when WE write the novelization instead of making fun of it! The hard-working Tim the Stats Man has gifted us a transcript of 2012's obscure movie Elf Man (starring Wee Man from Jackass!) and a team of us have banded together Exquisite Corpse style to adapt it into our very own, original festive novelization! Unlike our regular episodes this one is a full audio book (running a whopping 2 1/2 hours!) and featuring: Jessica, Lizzy Unpronounceable, Courtney Coulson, Suzanne, Jacinta, Paris and work from Hector Weenis, Kenney, and Zach! By far our biggest episode ever and what better way to celebrate our 150th!

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The Book Was Better Episode 149: The Santa Clause (with guest host Lia!)

Forget coal! This week naughty listeners get punished when we read the wafer-thin novelization of killing-Santa comedy The Santa Clause! Joining me in the sleigh is guest host Lia as we talk about deadbeat dads, the high Santa death rate, and try to figure out why anyone in their right mind would be interested in Tim Allen! This is the darkest Christmas story of them all!

Download here! (click to stream, right-click to save)

Or why not subscribe to us on iTunes and join the discussion in our friendly Facebook group! And you can now get bonus content by subscribing/supporting us on Patreon!

The Book Was Better Episode 148: The Grinch! (with guest host Lauren)

This week we continue our jaunt down Santa Claus Lane as we read the flimsy novelization of green-hairy-Carrey Christmas-stealing movie: The Grinch! How did the Grinch steal Christmas you ask? Helping me solve this incredibly anti-climactic puzzle is none other than festive expert (and actual American) guest host Lauren! Warm up your sugar plums! I'm reaching into your stockings!

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Or why not subscribe to us on iTunes and join the discussion in our friendly Facebook group! And you can now get bonus content by subscribing/supporting us on Patreon!

FPcast! The Fruitless Pursuits Podcast for December 22 2014! So This is Christmas!

This week we chat North Korea, review The Kingsman, Big Hero 6 and Saint Vincent, plus we talk about our favourite Christmas things, solve the Australian film industry and do poor imitations of Wortho! Happy Holidays everyone!

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And be sure to SUBSCRIBE to us on iTunes because we do this every week! And join the discussion in our friendly Facebook group!

The Book Was Better Episode 108: Jack Frost (with guest host Jacinta!)

This week our festive coverage continues as we dive into the giant Christmas turkey that is the novelization of Jack Frost! No, not the horror movie where Shannon Elizabeth gets assaulted in the shower - we're talking about the Jack Frost where Michael Keaton dies in a car accident and comes back as a creepy snowman puppet! And joining me for these horrific mixed messages is the steel-nerved Jacinta! And rest assured we're going to get to the bottom (ball) of this!

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Or why not subscribe to us on iTunes and join the discussion in our friendly Facebook group!

The Book Was Better Episode 107: Jingle All the Way (with guest host Sabrina!)

This week our holiday bonanza continues as we dare to read the festive fiasco that is the novelization of Schwarzengger goes shopping shocker Jingle All the Way! And caring about as much as I do as to whether or not Baby Anakin Skywalker gets some stupid toy is the always wonderful guest host Sabrina! Prepare to deck the halls with terrible impersonations! GET TO DA SHOPPAH!

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Or why not subscribe to us on iTunes and join the discussion in our friendly Facebook group!

The Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar ADVENTure 2014 Begins!

OK, due to popular demand, I am going to also be covering the Star Wars Lego Advent Calendar, but I'm going to keep it on our Facebook page in an attempt to not clutter up the site, but also to do social media better! So if you want to hear all about Day 1 and Day 2 then please head RIGHT OVER HERE, like us, and keep on following!

The Fruitless Pursuits Christmas ADVENTure!

Long time supporters of the site will know that this is the time of year when we usually do our Christmas ADVENTure, opening up an advent calendar (or two) every day and spinning a ridiculous story. This year, however, we've made a few changes and it seems more appropriate to post it on our Facebook page rather than here, as FP has become more of a podcast hub.

So if you'd like to see surprises unveiled each day, and follow and ongoing story, be sure to check out our page (and like it if you haven't!). Normally I open up a Playmobil calendar and the Lego Star Wars calendar. Something went horribly wrong this time though and things will be a little different...

Go here to check out day number one!

Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar 2013 Day 24: Daddy.

Deck the halls! It's the final day of the Star Wars Lego advent calendar which means sweet, sweet freedom for me! And I think we all know what we're going to get, so let's not waste any more time!

Let's blast open Door Number 24!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 24: Daddy.

Joy to the world! It's the final day of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar and I am about to be free of the arduous task of documenting the sordid goings on of the island! When we last left our hero Dr. Ian Goldblum, he had made love to an enchanted raptor which then laid two big eggs. Is he ready to become a father?

Let's open Door Number 24 and see what happens!

Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar Day 23: You Slay Me!

And it's the penultimate day of our long battle with the Lego Star Wars advent calendar! We've had s sprinkling of OK gifts but how about something that is really going to wow us!? Come on, Lego! Now's your big chance! 

Let's crack open Door Number 23 and see what we have...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 23: You Lay Me!

It's the penultimate day of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar and what a journey it has been! When we last left our hairy-chested protagonist Dr. Ian Goldblum he was being raped by a raptor in a pile of hay. Merry Christmas!

Let's open Door Number 23 and see if he survived...

Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar Day 22: Baby.

And I'm playing catch up as I missed day 22 of the Lego Star Wars advent calendar - a calendar that has but three more doors to prove its worth and justify its price tag! Will today thrill or buzz kill?

Let's open Door Number 22 and find out for ourselves!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 22: Hey!

I'm playing catch up as I missed day 22, so here it is in all its steamy, better-late-than-never Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar glory! When we last left our swarthy protagonist Dr. Ian Goldblum, estranged love interest, Laura Derp, had given him a magnifying glass with which to take a long hard look at himself! Did he take her advice?

Let's open Door Number 22 and see...

Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar Day 21: Slavish Devotion.

It's day 20 of our trudging slog through the brown plains of the Lego Star War Advent calendar where confused parents and their crying children carefully examine each bewildering gift with a growing sense of dread. Too dramatic? I don't even care any more!

I guess we have to open Door Number 21...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 21: Reflecting.

It's day 21 of our insane descent into the heady world of the Playmobil Jurassic Park advent calendar, where our lustsick hero, Dr. Ian Goldblum has been trying to patch things up with obsessive neat freak Laura Derp. She was about to leave but today's gift might just be the intervention that Goldblum needs!

Let's open Door Number 21 and answer all these stupid questions!

Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar 2013 Day 20: Benmobile.

It's day 20 of our vaguely disappointing trek through the Lego Star Wars advent calendar. You know what's difficult? Writing 20 introductions for what usually turns out to be a blocky obscure vehicle or a weapon rack. What the hell do you people want from me? What am I going to say? OH MAYBE IT WILL BE AN EXCITING EWOK ELF TODAY WIELDING A LIGHTSABER CANDY CANE! We all know that's a lie! How much longer are we going to keep kidding ourselves? GODDAMMIT LET'S JUST OPEN THE FRIGGING DOOR!

Door Number 20. I'm coming for you.

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 20: Michelangelo.

It's day 20 of our overwrought adventure within the Jurassic Park Playmobil adventure calendar and yesterday - despite an obviously crappy gift - things started to explode. Our hornbag hero, Dr. Ian Goldblum confronted estranged love interest, Laura Derp, about her obsessive compulsive habit of tidying the island by putting its smallest critters in Tupperware containers. Derp naturally took offense, and immediately packed her suitcase and was about to leave (somehow). Did she go through with her threat?

Let's open Door Number 20 and see...

Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar Day 19: Been There, Done That.

It's day 19 of our bumpy ride through the Star Wars Lego advent calendar - which actually gave us a very cool biker scout yesterday, causing my old heart to grow three sizes in my chest. But Lego loves following up something great with something truly dreadful...

So let's carefully pry open Door Number 19 and see what we've got...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 19: Pack it Up.

It's day 19 of our emotional tryst in the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar where our horny protagonist, Dr. Ian Goldblum (harbinger of chaos) has been reunited with obsessive complusive neat-freak love interest, Laura Derp (enforcer of order). They've been avoiding an awkward conversation for days now, but it's time to finally have it out!

Let's open Door Number 19 and see what goes down...