Thursday, December 5, 2013

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 5: Heartvester.

It's Day 5 of our steamy journey into the death-packed jungles of the Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar and the tension is mounting. We are constantly aware that at any given moment a half-eaten goat might drop down on our noggins, signalling the imminent arrival of the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex. Is today's door hiding the King of the Dinosaurs? I don't know... it looks pretty small.

Let's cautiously open Door Number 5...

And... it's... a....

Pair of containers. Lunch boxes? Tupperware? No. Emblazoned with the heads of panicked triceratops these ominous silver boxes serve a far more sinister purpose.

Notice how they conveniently latch onto the back of archeologist/chaos-theorist/sex-fiend Ian Goldblum's monstrous motorcycle? Now we know what dark deeds this bike is actually for. I imagine he races through the jungle on it, tracking unsuspecting dinosaurs and, once he finds them, he murders them with his cruel fists (it takes a LOT of punching to down your average triceratops) he tears their heart out of their dying chest and stores it in his silver travel boxes. He then races back to the Jurassic Park cafeteria, where he serves the heart on a plastic tray and ravenously devours it, thereby absorbing the dinosaurs powers. This gives him more strength to punch and devour more dinosaurs, and thus the vicious cycle continues.

Speaking of vicious cycles, this is how his blood red motorbike earned the name: The Harvester of Hearts, or, The Heartvester.

Stay tuned as I will be popping open the Lego Star Wars calendar soon...

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