Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 24: Daddy.

Joy to the world! It's the final day of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar and I am about to be free of the arduous task of documenting the sordid goings on of the island! When we last left our hero Dr. Ian Goldblum, he had made love to an enchanted raptor which then laid two big eggs. Is he ready to become a father?

Let's open Door Number 24 and see what happens!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 23: You Lay Me!

It's the penultimate day of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar and what a journey it has been! When we last left our hairy-chested protagonist Dr. Ian Goldblum he was being raped by a raptor in a pile of hay. Merry Christmas!

Let's open Door Number 23 and see if he survived...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 22: Hey!

I'm playing catch up as I missed day 22, so here it is in all its steamy, better-late-than-never Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar glory! When we last left our swarthy protagonist Dr. Ian Goldblum, estranged love interest, Laura Derp, had given him a magnifying glass with which to take a long hard look at himself! Did he take her advice?

Let's open Door Number 22 and see...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 21: Reflecting.

It's day 21 of our insane descent into the heady world of the Playmobil Jurassic Park advent calendar, where our lustsick hero, Dr. Ian Goldblum has been trying to patch things up with obsessive neat freak Laura Derp. She was about to leave but today's gift might just be the intervention that Goldblum needs!

Let's open Door Number 21 and answer all these stupid questions!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 20: Michelangelo.

It's day 20 of our overwrought adventure within the Jurassic Park Playmobil adventure calendar and yesterday - despite an obviously crappy gift - things started to explode. Our hornbag hero, Dr. Ian Goldblum confronted estranged love interest, Laura Derp, about her obsessive compulsive habit of tidying the island by putting its smallest critters in Tupperware containers. Derp naturally took offense, and immediately packed her suitcase and was about to leave (somehow). Did she go through with her threat?

Let's open Door Number 20 and see...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 19: Pack it Up.

It's day 19 of our emotional tryst in the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar where our horny protagonist, Dr. Ian Goldblum (harbinger of chaos) has been reunited with obsessive complusive neat-freak love interest, Laura Derp (enforcer of order). They've been avoiding an awkward conversation for days now, but it's time to finally have it out!

Let's open Door Number 19 and see what goes down...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 18: Order.

It's Day 18 of our tumultuous trek into the tension-filled Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar where a grand soap opera is unfolding before our incredulous eyes. The sex-crazed, anarchic Dr. Ian Goldblum - an agent of chaos - has been reunited with estranged love interest, Laura Derp - an angel of order - and things haven't gone according to plan. He's been unsuccessfully trying to get some alone time with her to patch up the past, but she's more interested in tidying up the island, placing its tiny inhabitants neatly in Tupperware containers. Oh... and a horny raptor is stalking Ian.

Let's open Door Number 18 to see what happens next!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 17: Tupperware.

It's day 17 of our drama-drenched jaunt into the Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar, where a very unlikely love triangle has begun to form. Our swarthy protagonist, Dr. Ian Goldblum was being stalked by an infatuated and lusty raptor when his estranged love interest and research assistant, Laura Derp, made a surprise appearance in Serpent Satan's forbidden garden. What will happen now?

Let's peek into Door Number 17 and find out...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 16: Hear Me Roar.

It's day 16 of our sexual-tension-filled romp into the steamy jungles of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar, where our protagonist, Dr. Ian Goldblum, has been staring a raptor in the face for months now, wondering whether he should murder or make love to it. Well today all that nonsense is coming to an end!

Let's open Door Number 16 to find out why!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 15: Waiting.

It's day 15 of our sexy romp into the teeming Playmobil Jurassic Park advent calendar, which took a tense break yesterday as our indecisive hero, Dr. Ian Goldblum, stood staring into the eyes of a lusty raptor for many months, trying to figure out whether to kill it or kiss it. Will he finally reach a decision today or is our adventure already over?

Let's crack open Door Number 15 and see for ourselves!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 14: Branching Out.

It's day 14 of our sordid romp into the fetid, untamed wilds of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar and things have ground to a stand still. When our protagonist, Dr. Ian Goldblum, asked Serpent Satan for a willing female companion to succumb to his every twisted whim, Satan tricked him by summoning an ironic female raptor - one of Goldblum's sworn enemies. Since then, the two of them have been holed up in a leafy grove, staring each other down, contemplating their next move. What will happen?

Let's peer through Door Number 14 and find out...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 13: Intermission.

It's day 13 of our action-packed rumble in the jungles of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar, where one man, Dr. Ian Goldblum, has hooned around on a blood-red hellcycle, animated a dinosaur skeleton, danced with the devil, and had a raptor fall in love with him! It's a lot to take in and my poor heart is beating so fast that I'm not sure it's even safe to continue.

But let's man up and bust open Door Number 13 to see what happens next...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 12: Land Ho!

We're halfway through our terrifying trek into the heart of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar, where our anarchic anti-hero Dr. Ian Goldblum has met Satan, made three wishes, and now has a giant, lusty female raptor madly in love with him. I have no idea what is possibly going to top that, except to say that today's door is mighty BIG!...

Let's recklessly swing open the (huge, double) Door Number 12 and see what we got! It's gotta be great, right? RIGHT?!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 11: Gift-Rapt.

It's day 11 into our frankly quite bewildering journey into the depths of the Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar where a surprise appearance of Satan has plunged our current storyline into chaos and darkness. Having been faced with Satan in serpent form, our plucky raven-haired protagonist/archeologist/chaos theorist, Dr. Ian Goldblum, has been granted three wishes in order to prove Satan's claim that he can give Ian supremacy over the dinosaurs (in exchange for his immortal soul). Ian wasted two wished on inattention and excess, but today he makes his third. What will it be?

Let's open Door Number 11 and find out...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 10: Wishes.

It's day 10 of what began as a fun romp into the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar, but has quickly devolved into a sinister story of temptation and dark magics. Our raven-haired protagonist, Dr. Ian Goldblum, used foul necromancy to animate the skeleton of a dinosaur which managed to summon Satan - in serpent form - who wishes to take his immortal soul in exchange for supremacy over the thunderlizards. Will Dr. Ian accept?

Let's open Door Number 10 and find out...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 9: Satan.

It is day 9 of our soiree into the screaming wilds of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar and what began as John Hammond's scientific folly has actually led to some pretty dark and mysterious deeds. Our protagonist/archeologist/chaos-theorist Dr. Ian Goldblum had been arming himself to the teeth and tearing around on his blood red hellcycle, The Heartvester, looking to punch dinosaurs to death and devour their hearts. He did actually manage to reduce a full-size dinosaur to a pile of a bones before we even got a glimpse of it, then he used never-before-seen dark powers of necromancy to resurrect and animate the skeleton. What could possibly happen today?

Let's open Door Number 9 and see...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 8: Skinny.

It's day 8 of our bold adventure into the deadly, terror-laced Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar and we're getting pretty desperate to glimpse an actual dinosaur! In fact, our swarthy protagonist, Dr. Ian Goldblum, is getting so eager to murder something that he's been wildly and unsuccessfully attempting to punch butterflies out of the air. Will today be our lucky day?

Let's kick open Door Number 8 and find out!...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 7: Minecraft.

It's day 7 of our treacherous trek into the dark heart of the Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar where devilish deathosauruses lurk behind every trembling leaf, but are yet to actually emerge. Could today finally be the day when we are flanked and disembowelled by the cruel talon of a surprise raptor? Will we finally fulfil our week-long Christmas wish?

Let's gouge open Door Number 7 and find out for ourselves!...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 6: Walk the Talk.

It's day 6 of our steamy sojourn into the wilds of the Jurassic Park Playmobil advent calendar where death is fast and full of teeth! We live in constant hope now that any day an actual dinosaur will tear free from its cardboard prison to menace our hero, Dr. Ian Goldblum, but alas, today's door is just a tiny one. Maybe it's an anklyosaurus, curled tight in a defensive ball but eager to unfurl and unleash armoured havoc! Or it could be something crap.

Let's bust open Door Number 6 and find out...

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar Day 5: Heartvester.

It's Day 5 of our steamy journey into the death-packed jungles of the Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar and the tension is mounting. We are constantly aware that at any given moment a half-eaten goat might drop down on our noggins, signalling the imminent arrival of the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex. Is today's door hiding the King of the Dinosaurs? I don't know... it looks pretty small.

Let's cautiously open Door Number 5...