Thursday, December 5, 2013

Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar 2013 Day 5: The Twins.

It is Day 5 of our journey beyond the stars to the Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar, a box of unseen gifts that seems intent on giving a small blocky incarnations of obscure vehicles from Attack of the Clones. Have your younglings embraced this years bounty or have last year's tears of disappointment begun to pour again, raining down like the torrential storms on the cloner world, Kamino? What are we even talking about anymore? Let's just open this thing.

Let's bust open Door Number 5...

And... it's... a...

Another frigging vehicle? Aren't we due a minifig by now?!

At least this vehicle has the dignity of hailing from greatest-movie-of-all-time The Empire Strikes Back. Which is not to say that it is a particularly dignified vehicle. This is a kind of clumsy and far-too-red rendition of the Twin Pod Cloud Car, the incredibly confusingly designed vehicle that Lando's cronies use to patrol Cloud City.

Why would a single vehicle have two cockpits and two pilots? What purpose would that serve? Do they have to be mind-linked like in Pacific Rim? Are they constantly crashing into things? And why does this vehicle look like a pair of sixties torpedo boobs? So many unanswered questions.

Actually I blame Lando for the Cloud Car's bewildering design. Seriously, how does a guy in a blue cape and flares, who will hit on anything with a pulse, know anything about running a city? Can you imagine the conversations when he came up with this thing? "Okay... I want the cars to look like a big old pair of those torpedo titties, with a pilot situated just behind each nipple." And Lobot is like, "Uhh... that's kind of impractical. Why not just have single cars with single pilots?" And Lando's like, "No, no. Titties come in pairs." And Lobot is like, "Sir, you're going to kill a lot of people." And Lando is like, "That's how we roll in Cloud City!"

And for those keeping score, each day I pit this calendar against the Playmobil Jurassic Park calendar. Tough one today as both gifts are a little overwhelming, but I'm going to award it to Lego for referencing both the greatest film, and greatest bra, of all time!

Jurassic Park Playmobil Advent Calendar:
Star Wars Lego Advent Calendar: 3

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