Thursday, September 15, 2011

D&D, Day by Day - Axe Beak

Welcome back to D&D Day by Day...over 2 weeks later. It's an ongoing theme, but my timing is off. Please don't hold it against me.

So are you ready for the fiercest, most dangerous monsters from all time that have spanned every Tome of dangerous monsterous lore ever recreated by man? Willing to go to the bowels of the Underdark to learn about some of these menacing monstrocities? Then get ready to behold, the fiercest of the bunch - THE AXE BEAK!!!

Wait, what?

Learn more of its origin and FP Contributor interpretations after the break

Alright, so the Axe Beak may not be the most menacing of creatures, but it has to have a rich history and background, right? Otherwise why would you pick him to focus on? Well, not really. It was only officially in the first Monster Manual as a monster in 1978. Since then, its been pretty dormant.

Axe Beak in FF9
Axe Beak has been used in Final Fantasy IX, and more recently Pathfinder has added it to its ranks. But still, this isn't a monster that you'd have as an end boss fight, unless maybe if you are playing as a shitty kid with only a water gun to defend yourself with. I'm pretty sure that a group of them is referred to as a shed full of Axe Beaks. How much cooler does that sound?

"Gandolf, it sounds like Axe Beaks are coming, more than one."

"How many?"

"It looks like a shed full!"


Right, so now that we've learn a bit of their history, what to call a group of them when you come across them on the school yard, and that Gandolf is a shitty person to have in your party if you're likely to come across a shed full of these fuckers. What does the Monster Manual have to say about them?

Axe Beak in Pathfinder

"Axe beaks are prehistoric carnivorous flightless birds. they are very fast runners and aggressively hunt during daylight. An axe beak resembles and ostrich in its lower portions, with a strong neck and heavy sharp beak."

Ok, so when paired with the picture from Pathfinder and in italics, it makes the Axe Beak seem like he should be pretty bad ass, except that the text listed is straight outta '78. It comes across that the Axe Beak should be a direct descendent of a velociraptor. The original image makes me think that its more likely that it'd be like the little things from the beginning of Jurassic Park when the family lands on the beach and the girl invites it back to meet the family. Which, honestly, why would you do that? Everyone knows that when you invite an Axe Beak, the whole shed full comes with it. Sorta like when you invite a vampire into your home. But not.

Right, so enough of my bullshit, lets get to what you're here for. This time round, no one knew what an Axe Beak was, so we should have some interesting stuff.

 Luke's mighty Axe Beak has a quite majestic look and feel to it. Possibly the future national bird for a grizzled America after the Zombie apocalypse? This will be when America drops its pounds, outlaws hamburgers, and devolves into the cast of Loony Tunes. Its a harsh reality, but it is to be our heritage.

Suzanne has submitted this gothicly inspired bird of doom. Hunched over and keeping its prey to itself from the rest of shed. It appears that this one will also spit glass at people too.

J has taken a nautical approach on this vicious bird, at least I'm assuming so. I'd be able to picture this guy hanging out down in the harbor swooping down and chopping the crap out of the boats and eating the fish within its hull. Thats why they are also known as the "Fishermans Nightmare", since fishermen and lumberjacks are natural enemies with one another, its only fitting this flat-double bladed feathered monstrosity would strike at the fishermans pride. 

Becca has gone the more tropical route, and you will find these menaces flying throughout the rain forests of South America. There, they refer to them as "Ax Bico" as they scream running through the forest.

Ive...has chosen a different route. See, this is an Axe. With a beak. Picture this to be the result of some wizarding snafu, probably because of a Weasley, in the Disney verse. This is comparable to when the All-Spark fell and the steering wheel ate a bitch. No one? ok...moving on

Finally, J had asked his daughter Elle to draw Axe Beak, so she drew it from above. He states "I finally got a chance to get Elle to draw Axebeak. Here it is. It's an overhead shot with the beak on the left and wings on the top/bottom. The lighting in my house is terrible, so I had to stick it on the refrigerator."

And thats that. Clearly there is a large variety of these beasts throughout the world that need to be considered, so watch out when you walk your displacer beast at night.  Next time We will have the Blink Dog to ponder.


  1. "Blink Dog"? Criminy.

    And that bird is shedding RAZOR SHARP FEATHERS.

  2. The only ones that don't look like "Axe Beak"s are the official ones.
    He should be called "Bird Beak".