Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Pre-Order Gears of War 3 Retro Lancer Replica! Head Says No. Crotch Says "HELL YES!"

I received an email today from EB Games here in Australia urging me to pre-order a life-size replica of the retro lancer, to celebrate the pending release of Gears of War 3. Why describe it when I can just show it:

Join me after the jump and we'll analyse the specs.

So here's the hard data so far on this frivolous murder weapon:
  • Created from the actual 3D data used by Epic Games in the Gears of War 3 video game
  • Over 3 1/2 Feet in Length
  • Trigger Activates Machine Gun Sound Effect
  • Hand Painted with weathered and battle worn detail
3 1/2 feet long?! And it doesn't look especially lightweight either. I actually think that given the right circumstances it probably could murder someone - the right circumstances involving it being weilded by a jumpy, sleep-deprived teenager hyped up on Mountain Dew.

Here in Australia EB's offering it for $148, or $128 if you have an existing pre-order for the game. It's certainly not cheap, but it is 3 1/2 FEET LONG! I've probably spent far more on plastic guitar peripherals (and a plastic keytar!) but then again it's not like you can thrash out Through the Fire and the Flames on it.

I see zero practical application for it at all, which is probably why I want it so bad (I bought the Collector's Edition of Call of Duty Black Ops with the dust-collecting remote control spy-vehicle). My head says, "No!" but I guess I could always photograph a fake-blood soaked model with it.

Don't know what the deal is for you American readers - except it's safe to say it will be a whole lot cheaper.


  1. you should send me the spy vehicle, I have some real world practical applications I can use it in.

    Also, if I get one and you get one, then we can use these in our duel at the equator instead of rolled up newspapers

  2. The best line ever is "Trigger Activates Machine Gun Sound Effect".
    We should get shirts made up! Also this should come as standard with all guns.