One of the pilots I've been most looking forward to is Unforgettable, a crime drama about a lady who can solve crimes because she has a super-photographic memory and never forgets anything! And it didn't disappoint: it was every bit as stupid as I was hoping. Spoilers under the cut!
As you can see, the tagline is 'She can do anything but forget', which is pretty good, although I would have preferred 'She can remember everything... except how to love' or 'An elephant never forgets, but it doesn't have a body like this!' Sadly CBS didn't stick with the original title 'The Rememberer' (not joking) which would have been sweet.
Carrie Wells has an extremely rare condition that means she remembers everything ever, including when the sun rose on every day which is a pretty weird thing to even know in the first place. During the day she visits a nursing home where her mother has Ironic Alzheimer's Syndrome. At night she is a professional blackjack player because she can remember where all the cards go. The baddies who run the casino get mad but then she tells on one of them to his boss because she's sassy. It's funny because he's going to get killed! Luckily the casino only has three guys working there so she gets away with her money.
She goes home but is awakened by the sound of a lady being murdered. She runs out and looks at the lady, then the police arrive. Oh no, the detective is her old boyfriend from when she was a police but then she stopped being a police because he closed the case on her sister who was murdered when she was like seven? Now he needs her help to solve the case!!!
They go to the scene of the crime even though surely she could just sit down in the police station and use her remembering? Anyway she remembers a thing she didn't notice at the time. Crime is pretty quiet at the moment I guess so they have four detectives and a CSI guy on this one case. Now the detectives take her everywhere they go because she is like their remembery mascot. They visit a creepy guy who runs a van company and my husband and I agree that he is the killer.
Now Carrie can't stop remembering how sexy Mr Detective is! She remembers this one time he told her about this one muscle that goes all the way to the pelvic floor and it was pretty sexy.
They go visit a rich lawyer because of cell phone calls and he is rude to the detectives. "Did you ever meet the lady? She worked at your health club," they ask. "She might have handed me a towel?" he answers and walks off. Then the old detective says, "I'd like to give him a towel!" I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!
Carrie detects and remembers and finds out the lawyer's fiancee was the dead lady's friend and a horrible old dude was gross and then he works at the van company (DUH) and they arrest the old dude and he confesses in the police station so it is super-obvious he is not guilty. Then she remembers some more and the obviously guilty van creep was there! She calls Mr Detective but he doesn't answer his phone, so she goes to the van company at night, alone, with no weapon, to press charges? (oh wait she's not even a police) on a guy who a) has no idea the police suspect him and b) is in no way a flight risk. He says, "I want a lawyer! I'm not giving up my DNA! Yeah OK I killed that lady!" Then he throws some cardboard boxes at her! She chases him for some reason and they grapple and he's about to kill her but Mr Detective is there! His phone was on vibrate and she's like "That's dirty" and then they laugh.
Oh and also there is a sub-plot about the dead sister and she keeps having really boring flashbacks and obviously that is going to be a through-story in this season but WHO CARES.
When we told our friend Tim that there was a show called Unforgettable about a detective who never forgets things he thought it might be about an elephant detective and I can safely say that that would be a huge improvement.