Friday, August 12, 2011

Clogging Up the Servers: What the Hell is MineCon?!

You've heard of Blizzcon, right? Blizzard Entertainment's annual convention where Warcraft players across the globe pay $200 a ticket to actually rub against each other? It sells out every year in a matter of seconds - and by all accounts is a huge and sweaty success. So it makes sense then that the blocky, pixellated, digging and bashing game sensation Minecraft - which has earned creator Notch a hundred-thousand-billion dollars - should spawn its own MineCon. The inaugural event takes place in Las Vegas over two days in November and the Internet is going crazy as punters attempt to purchase $99 tickets right NOW.

Now I love MineCraft just as much as the next guy - in fact I once dug a large underground cavern and filled it up with ducks:

I shoulda' been a city-planner!
But even I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what a two-day MineCraft convention would entail. Rather than read the official site and get the facts. I'm going to take a shot at guessing what it is myself.

This is how I'd run MineCon:

1. Don't do it in Las Vegas! This is clearly an adventure for the woods! Find a large patch of untouched remote woodland. Ticket-holders should be blind-folded and gagged and brought to the wood in buses. All technology is to be confiscated. No one should know where they are or where they're going. Preferably not even the bus driver.

2. When attendees arrive they should all be issued a Limited Collector's Edition Dirty Shovel. That's ALL. There's no lanyards, or stickers. And no opening speeches or explanations. And it should be made as difficult as possible for all but the sharpest attendees to communicate with each other.

3. For the next 12 hours attendees run blindly through the woods digging holes and bashing the shit out of trees. The smart ones will pile the dirt into their pockets as it may be useful later.

4. At nightfall a bunch of cracked-out maniacs in rubber zombies masks will be released into the woods to suicide-bomb the stragglers.

5. Give me $99.

I can't wait to see the coverage of the actual event! Start saving those cardboard boxes for the cosplay competition!


  1. I would attend this version for certain. In fact, I think I will send you $99 just IN CASE you decide to run this.

  2. Follow his lead, folks! He's onto something!

  3. So next time I have a video game night I can just call it a Con and make some sweet bux?

  4. Yeah I'm also running PongCon. For just $65 you can come over on Saturday and look at my bucket of pingpong balls.